Skyscraper, Let It Go, Warrior

If you don't know that these songs are mall sung by the wonderful Demi Lovato then I have nothing to say to you.


Hey guys happy Thursday! So today's post is going to be long, sorry not sorry, and if you don't like it then get off this blog! Ok so if the song don't indicate my mood right now then let me tell you how I'm feeling! So today my mom got the CHILD support, and yes it is for Laura, but my sister doesn't care if we all share it. My mom NEVER gives to my sister she always uses it for herself! So she gets us bfast this morning and I have been craving apples something crazy, so I find the least expensive ones, $1.00 a pound; I got four. I wasn't going to eat them all in one sitting I just got them because I was very hungry. She gets mad and was like that is all you get today. I am not buying any more fruit for you ever again. So I get a little upset and have a good cry. I am sick and tired of her wanting me to fail. She is my mother and as a mother they are supposed to support you no matter what you want to do. She may not like it, but she should at least encourage you to succeed. My mom doesn't, she actually encourages me to give up being vegan. She even told my sister she is going to try to get me to eat more meat. Can you frikin believe that?! What the mess right?! So on the way to TC I listen to those three songs. Skyscraper was to get me to stop crying and it worked, Let It Go (the Demi version) was to get me to just breathe and relax, and Warrior was to remind me that she can't hurt me anymore. She doesn't have power over me anymore and she never will again.

You know how we all eventually turn out like our mothers? Well I am determined to do everything I can NOT to turn out like her. I don't want to be a bully. That is what she is; just a bully. I am not going to make my kids feel worthless and try to stop them from living their dreams. My kids are not going to be afraid of me.

So this summer I am staying with my dad and I plan on getting a job there asap. Then once the summer is over I'll be coming back to Avery to pack up my stuff and I will NEVER come back to her. I will come back to visit only my sister and my brother and friends, but not her. I know I am saying this out of anger and I know in the end I will come back to see her, but I need to be far away for now because if I don't get away soon I am going to explode.


Thanks for reading and I will leave ya'll with some lyrics from those songs.


Skyscraper:
Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper

Let It Go:
Let it go, let it go
Can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn my back and slam the door


Warrior:
You can save your apologies you're nothing but a liar
I've got shame, I've got scars that I will never show
I'm a survivor, in more ways than you know
Cuz now I'm a warrior
I've got thicker skin
I'm a warrior
I'm stronger than I've ever been
And my armor, is made of steel you can't get in
I'm a warrior
And you can never hurt me again
There's a part of me I can't get back
A little girl grew up too fast
All it took was once I'll never be the same
So I'm taking back my life today
Nothing left that you can say
Cuz you were never gonna take the blame anyway

Hi-Five

That is an original song by Youtuber Chris Collins and his sister whose name I am blanking on at the moment. 

Hey guys happy Wednesday! So for the post today I am going to list some things I am grateful/thankful for. Yes those are pretty much the same thing I know. but I thought it would be a nice change of pace form my usual rants about my life and my mother. I am also gonna list some things that make me happy. 

I am grateful/thankful for:

God 

My relationship with Him 

Getting to wake up every day that I have

My wonderful life

Love

Happiness

Fruit

Vegetables

Whomever invented pizza (i make RawTill4 pizza)

My family

My friends (only have a few, but nonetheless) 

Earth 

the sky 

the plants

the animals

random strangers who pay for you 

homeless people (talk to one for at least an hour and they will give you so much life)

all the struggles i have been through

all the success on my life i have experienced 

my past teachers

my college experience ( had to go through to get to the place i am at today) 

PETA 

oxygen 

my heart

my body (internal organs wise) 

Things that make me happy:

dogs (especially when i get to pet them and help them) 

helping people 

watching baby cows run around and play 

babies (human and animal alike)

music

funny jokes 

people being nice

people in general 

when i accomplish something the right way

Now a LOT more makes me happy and I am grateful/thankful for SOOOOOO much more, but that is just a short list of each. Now omg guys I had to weigh myself last Thursday for the blood drive and omg guys I have lost 20 pounds in less than 2 months! I don't even recognize myself in the mirror anymore! I feel amazing! My clothes are starting to bunch up everywhere and I don't even have to unzip or unbutton my pants when I put them on and take them off! Isn't that just awesome!?! My day has been great; I was trying to pay for my drink and I didn't have enough so I was going to go get my mom for more change, and the young woman behind me paid for it! I was like what seriously? I even tried to give her the change I had, but she wouldn't take it! See there are good people left in this world, and I also talked to Warrior today. It was nice. Listen to that song and watch the video it's amazing, it popped into my head after she paid for me. 

Well that is it for now loyals! I will talk see you awesome people next blog! BYEEEEEE

P.S. Try doing something nice for someone today. I coaxed two dogs out of the middle of the road, what have you done? 

~Ciao~

Heeeeey

So I can't think of a song to title this blog so you're getting heeeey!

Hey guys happy Thursday!!!! Oh my goodness gracious so much has happened in the last 20-30 something hours and yeah it may be long! So on the first item on the list is my dad. He had a hernia recently and had to undergo surgery and he's ok, but I am worried about him. Not as much as the next item on the list: my mother. She received news from her lab results that she had a critical hemoglobin and needed to get to the hospital for a blood transfusion asap. So we all get packed to spend the night at my grandmothers and I am freaking out, I know ti's nothing too serious but I am a drama queen so I always freak out when it comes to things like this. She had to have four bags dripped into her and each bag takes four hours, she should be done by the time you read this blog, but I am just really worried about her. Ok so the next item is me, yes I know conceited right? Whatever. Ok so I gave blood 2 hours ago and I am actually starting to worry this time. I have done 6 times before and never bruised and I my arm has never hurt, so I am slightly worried about that. I'm also having weird heart problems going on so we'll wait and see. Oh I almost forgot my mom also has a heart murmur. I am casting all my worries on God and just letting it see its way through. I had the most amazing talk with God this morning, my grandma was driving to TC College and I look at the sky and she the sun poking out casting these beautiful rays on the ground below and it took my breath away. I was awestruck at this magnificent creation of God and I praised Him right then and there. I talked to Him and thanked Him for this wonderful day and my amazing life. You know a wise person, ( I'm not sure who), once said, "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away." I love that quote, it's awesome. So the item on the list is Warrior. You know her? If not then go check out her blog: www.Sorry4PartyRocking2012.blogspot.com !!! Ok well yesterday I was just angry for no reason really, I don't even remember and I was asking God for peace and He gave it to me. I went on Facebook and found Warrior's page and I saw that she had gone back to blonde and I was like woah awesome I gotta tell her that I think it look awesome! So I did and I apologized again for my rude behavior in the past, you all know about it. She said it was water under the bridge and we actually talked! We did today too! I am a little reluctant to talk about this because I'm afraid that it will stop. I was happy to say the least and I felt calmer. So Warrior thanks again for talking to me again, it means a lot.
Ok so the last item on the list is that little piece of me trip down memory lane project I was gonna post, well I have decided to not post it for now, I may in the unforeseen future though, so keep an eye out.

Well that is it for now lovelies, I mean loyals! I will see you awesome people next blog! K BYEEEE




P.S. Eat at least one piece of fruit today!



~Ciao~

Loves Me Like Jesus Does

ok that song is like stuck in my head along with Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol.

Hey guys happy Wednesday!!! It's HUMP daaaaaaaaay!!!! Anyways how are you guys!?! I am having a pretty good day so far, i mean it was better than yesterday. Shit went down yesterday. My computer broke down, but my awesome and talented brother fixed it for me. It was so nasty, he took the whole thing apart and dusted it and found out what was clanking around in there. So shout to my older bro, THANKS!!! I know he doesn't read this, but nonetheless. Also this guy up at TK College flirted with me a little yesterday...
I was like well then you know? I mean he was attractive and all, but I kinda have my eye on this other guy here who, in my opinion is really attractive. They are both in the video game playing/geek clique so I mean I would have a little challenge, since I am not a gamer and I am by no means on the same intellectual level as them, but I would give it a try. Lately I have just been wanting someone on in my life. Someone I can count on and love you know? Don't get me wrong I love being single, it's fun; most of the time. Other times I just want someone to talk to and get to know and just be with him. I know and trust that God has the perfect person for me so I will be patient. So tomorrow I am giving blood you guys, I'm excited! The shirt is yellow this time, so that's a change. There is no luck in the employment department and I am still broke. I am losing hope and I know I shouldn't give up, but my mom basically told me not to get a job because she has to get one. Every time she says that all I think is: "You are never going to get a job that doesn't require a degree, you have to start at the bottom and the only way is if you put school on hold for a bit. I mean I put school on hold for me, not just for a job, but for my sanity as well. I tried, I went out there and got a job, but you took it away from me. I had to quit for you."
Sorry guys that was a little rant there.
Anyways that is it for now I wish you all the best and I will see you awesome people next blog! K BYEEEE

Oh and don't forget that you choose to be happy so let's all stay positive. I know that is contradictive to what I just talked about, but just stay afloat peeps!


~Ciao~

Inspiration

Hey guys happy Tuesday! so today's post is not going to be all that jazzy or anything seeing as I don't have much to talk about! I'm just living my life, staying positive, choosing to be happy, and having fun! So pretty much the usual! I literally can't think of anything to talk about. Oh wait! Tomorrow I am donating blood for the 7th time in my life! Lifeshare Blood Centers is coming to Texarkana College tomorrow and I will be here to give up some of my blood once again! It's for a good cause and it could save a life so why not? I may be just a little blip on this planet compared to most people, but if my small donation can help then I'm willing to give it. I have been drinking so much water lately and I just love how hydrated I feel, it's amazing!
So this is a video I made; I was feeling inspiration while listening to K-LOVE so I hope you like it!

I mean I guess that is it for now other than my mom is still bashing this diet, but besides that I am just doing the same as yesterday!
Hey if the vid doesn't play sorry!
Well that's all folks! I will see you awesome loyals next blog! K BYEEE








~Ciao~

Lowlife

That song is by the one and only Theory Of A Deadman!

Hey loyals happy Monday! So today is going to be shortish because I have a project in the making. I am going to give you a little inside look into my past. I was going through old stuff and I found some things that brought back memories so I am gonna share them with ya'll. So look out for that it's coming soon.
Ok so lately I have been getting back to my roots music wise. I grew up listening to a variety of music, but it was mainly rock and metal and lately I have been re-obsessed with it! I have also been obsessed with Christian music too, like K-LOVE music I can't get enough of either! I love it!

So my mom will not buy me any fruit whatsoever and I can't have meat in my mouth so basically I don't eat much anymore. I hate this! I mean when I was growing up I always ate fruits and veggies, granted now I have taken all the other crap out of my diet so there isn't much difference. My parents always taught me to eat plenty of fruits and veggies so I don't know what the problem is. I swear if I can't get another job I am going to develop an eating disorder all because she doesn't want me to be healthy. I want to scream at her, but I know that won't solve a single thing so I keep a lot to myself. She also has a new problem with me every day, I don't get it. I mean I have never really cussed as much I do nowadays, but it's not like I am a different person. I have always been a loud and quite frankly obnoxious person and I guess she is just now noticing it. I can't do anything right ever! I am not good enough for her I guess! Sorry guys about this rant I needed to get it off my chest! So what do you guys think? I just wish I could move far away and never come back. That ultimately is the plan, I know how a lot of people think California is full of a lot of weirdos, but honestly I don't care. I'd rather be there than here. Growing up I always wanted to move there and one day I will be. Hopefully sooner than later!

Anyways that is it for now, I will see you awesome people next blog! K BYEEEEEEEEE

~Ciao~

P.S. I watched the new One Direction music video for You & I and I LOOOOOOOOOVE IT!!!! BEST VIDEO YET!!!!!!!! It's really cool how they did what they did in the vid so go watch it!

Only Human

So this song, by Christina Perri, resonated in me last night when I had a little breakdown...

Hey guys happy Thursday! So today is going to be a quick since I don't have much to talk about.
So my little breakdown was just me fed up with life for a moment. Like crying and cussing everyone out and it was just a mess. I have been feeling stuck a lot lately, like I am never going anywhere and I'll never amount to anything kind of stuck. You know that feeling? Well yeah that's how I felt and it's still lingering, but I am getting past it. God is bringing me through it. As I was crying and just feeling really down that song came into my mind and I felt somewhat better. I mean we are all human, we feel this feeling of being fed up with everybody and everything sometimes. Then another song comes to mind... Beautiful by MercyMe and that made me sob and appreciate life so much more. I was humbled in that moment and I talked to God and apologized for taking my life for granted. I just hate these feelings, but I have come to learn that everyone needs to have a little physcotic meltdown every once in a while; or otherwise we will explode. I woke up today feeling better so we will see how the rest of the day goes.

Well that is pretty much it for now, like I said I don't have much to talk about today. #SorryNotSorry

Anyways I will see you awesome people next blog! Until next time, BYEEEEE!!





~Ciao~