That Moment

Okay so this will be my final post for this year! I will not be back on after this but I have to get it out!


So there I was on a binge. I was trying to be good and cut off the soda and the junk food and as I was munching on Fritos and drinking Dr. Pepper when I felt horrible, like I wanted to puke horrible! I could feel the sugar, and corn syrup and sliding down my throat and I felt the need to puke. I didn't, but I prolly will before the nights end or maybe tomorrow. I think something is wrong with me. Lately I have felt this strange pain in my heart. It's like I can't breathe and then it goes into my arm and I almost pass out. I feel oddly tired all the time. If I don't eat every 2 or 3 hours I nearly pass out and I'm always thirsty. I have to pee ALL the time and I'm out of breath by just walking across the floor or after making my bed. I'm not understanding this, and I need a checkup, but my mom just won't listen to me. I know this is very morbid, especially at this time of the year, but if I up and die then I'm sorry. I'm too paranoid aren't I?  Anyways I wish everyone in a any other situation, other than paranoia, hope; hope for a better future! For the final time I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!  Sorry for complaining, I had to get it off my chest!




~Ciao~

Hey everybody!

Good evening everyone! I hope all of you are having a great holiday and remembering to keep Christ is Christmas! My mom can't see how amazing this Christmas has been! There are no presents and there will not be, but that is not the point! Christmas is about spending time with God, remembering Jesus' birth, and spending time with loved ones. She is hoping that next year will be better, but she can't grasp not to worry about the future because God is already there! Anyways I'm wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


So here is the full story with my dad/ He was whining and bad mouthing my mom about not being able to meet him halfway and he said I won't be spending the rest of my break there so I'll be here all break long.


Everyone I must depart and I won't be back for a few days, taking a break here! Have a great night!


Peace
Love
Happiness
God Bless


~Ciao for now~

Day 6 and an issue

So today was a great day I didn't work out I rested. I feel replenished! I hope everyone is in good health! I think that tomorrow will be the day where a lot of change will take place! So wish me luck and good luck to those on their personal journey!




So the one issue I am dealing with is my father. He has decided to be petty about not coming to get me for the holidays! He complained and called my mom names because she is not able to drive up there or even meet him halfway! He doesn't want to spend 6 measly hours on the road! Well I told him what I thought about that and now I guess that bridge is burned! More on that story tomorrow!


Everyone have a great day tomorrow and an even greater holiday break!


Peace Love Hugs and God Bless



~Ciao~

Happily

Okay so I'm feeling chatty today! No problem with that! Just wanted to say that this has been the best time for the break from school I have had! I know there is not much time left till I have to go back! But this time I have had has helped me grown and changed me! I hope these thoughts and actions and convictions stick! I have until Jan. 12, 2013 till I have to return to college, this tie I'm getting my act together and actually going to class and participating in life! So I have a good while to have fun and to strengthen my relationships; not only with God, but with my family. My relationship with God has been lacking and slipping a lot lately and I guess that is the reason for my behavior! I'm working on being a better me! So get ready to see Maggs 2.0!!! Anyways have a great rest of the night and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!


~Ciao~

Thoughts plaguing my mind tonight

Okay Warrior  I listened to Warrior by Demi for the first time in a while and I want to apologize again for my rude behavior. I just didn't realize how much of an impact I made. I hurt people, I push them away and for that I am sorry. I want to thank you because you were for me when NO ONE else was. You let me into your home and I never really thanked you for that. So I thank you for letting me stay there not just the time I had to live there but for the 5 years we have been friends. Thanks for the food you have provided me, the shelter, for rearranging your entire room and house just for me! Thanks for being completely honest with me. Thanks for loving me for who I am. Thanks for telling me that I don't have to change for anyone. Thanks for the late night and early morning phone calls. Thanks for the bad times too. Those strengthened our relationship. Thanks for your wonderful mom and dad! They did so much for me! Thanks for considering me a part of your family. Thanks for the world of chances you have given me! Now this isn't an act of desperation to get you back, I just wanted to tell you that you deserve the best! Best in friendship and in love, life, and your relationship with God. I am not the best and I hope you get everything you need and want. These songs are plaguing my mind tonight! They are for you!
Two Worlds Collide - Demi
Gift of a Friend - Demi
Fix a Heart - also by Demi
and I was watching Glee the other night and they did a cover of a song that made me cry! The song was Keep Holding On - Avril



Ok so the other thoughts are that I danced today. I have played Just Dance 4 so much that whenever a song comes on from that games I can do the dance automatically!! Funny huh?


Anyways see ya'll tomorrow!


~Ciao~

Day 5 and other things

So today was kind of a mixed up day. I didn't wake up on time an didn't feel like it, so motivation was lacking. I ate lunch and then all of the sudden I felt some inspiration. I knew that if I didn't get at least one small workout set in that I would feel guilty and it would keep me up at night. So today I did the set backwards from yesterday! It took more effort because I still felt sleepy. However, it was a victory! So I hope I can get better and better each day as I go on this journey.


So now it's time for the other things! So i just read Warrior's post about me and I am awestruck at how much of a jerk I have been! I have been the biggest jerk in the world to someone who I would do anything for. Warrior I understand that you don't forgive me because I don't deserve a scrap of forgiveness. I have always been an influential person and I let someone get to me. People around the college have told me repeatedly that I should not be friends with her, but as usual I didn't listen. I want you to know that I looked back at things and I realize my mistakes and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know what has gotten into me. I know we may never be back to being the best of friends and I know it hurt when I told you I replaced you, but that wasn't really me. I left my Facebook open while doing the laundry and she messaged you; the first message was you. Flurp did encourage me to talk to you after I talked to him crying because I missed you. I wanted to talk to you before, but did not have the courage! I should have known she would do something like that. I'm working on getting her out of my life, but it's a work in progress. This break apart is gonna show her that she is not everything to me. It has already shown me that there are areas of my life that I need to work on and improve upon. I should have stood up for you, but I just didn't. I don't have a good excuse or even an excuse for not standing up for you. I still do care for you and wish you the very best. I guess I was tired of the same ol' same and wanted a change. I should have came to you and told you that. Lately I have been having dreams where we talk everything out and we become acquaintances and then slowly friends again. I did turn right into something I promised myself I would never be. I let myself turn into what I was growing up in the ghetto. I was letting a stranger run my life. Well no more. I know it will take time for us to ever talk again. I know I overreacted when I took you and your family off my Facebook. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm not asking for anything, I just hope one day we can talk again. I used to tell you everything. I have a secret that I haven't told anyone. Only people from the college know. I went with my roommate to Jazzy's bf's place and I didn't just get contact high. I actually took a hit. I HATE the taste of it and I will NEVER do it again. I know this post is taking forever to read, sorry about that. The feeling was ok for awhile, but then I felt horrible afterwards. I have this friend at college named Caleb, I call him Sugarplum! He is helping me realize I don't need Haley. I am going back to my previous convictions. So that is what I wanted you to know! Also that I have read your Trevor story and I LOVE it! Keep that shine that I have strayed away from.








Ok so everyone wish me luck in my weight loss journey! Also let's hope that Warrior will see it in her heart to at least read this! I pray one day we can let go of the past and try to move forward.








Oh Warrior I haven't asked in a while how are Maya and Chewy!?






Peace Love Luck and God Bless




~Ciao~



P.S. You wanna know where I got that Ciao thing from? Warrior! On our first blogs she signed her blogs that way and I love it~

4 days later

Ok so today I took that second and third step! The first step was clearly defining my goals! The second step I took was waking up early this morning! Instead of waking up at 1 in the afternoon and sleeping the day away, I woke up at 8:00 a.m.! It was a good feeling. Now the third step I took was that I actually worked out today! I did a set. It was 20 jumping jacks, 10 alternating lunges, 10 squats, 20 mountain climber, 20 high knees, and 20 butt kicks! It was a liberating feeling at that moment. In that single moment when I was panting and ready to fall over and die I felt a million times closer to my goal than I did the past 3 days! The days leading up to today have been hard and I can say that I have had a slightly less poor diet, I am def not there yet, but I will be! As long as I keep my eyes on the goal and just keep the right mindset I will get there! So to everyone out there trying to reach their goal(s) I salute you! Have a great night and an even greater tomorrow! I will post again son, it could be tomorrow or it could be in a few days, but just keep trucking! God bless us everyone!




~Ciao~

How I will lose weight starting now!

So hey guys! How is everyone? How is life treating ya? Me? Well I am okay I guess! I mean I did lose a friend, and everyone says that she wasn't a real friend, and all that blah blah blah! I know we have and our problems, and respectively went our separate ways, but she will always have a certain place reserved in my heart! I hope one day in the future we can reconcile! We may never get that friendship we had back, but I want to make nice! But that is in the past right now! I have had ups and downs, but I can't keep living there!
So I have devised a new plan! I am going to better myself starting now! Okay? So here is what I want to do: By this time next year I want to say that I have met my goal! Now that doesn't mean I will need a year to reach my goal! I am gonna live a healthier life. I feel as if most of health problems would disappear if I lost the excess weight! So what I'm cut a LOT of bad food habits out of my life. I am cutting soda all together! It's about time again! Every year I go on a soda kick! I feel so much better and so less sluggish when I don't drink it! I plan on drinking just water, some juices, and tea. I only drink unsweetened, which is even better!
I plan on trying to get more veggies and fruits on my diet too! I don't eat as much of fruits and veggies like I used too! I also want to cut out a lot of meats. I don't want to go full vegan or vegetarian just yet. I may just stick to fish and maybe a little chicken. But I just can't eat beef anymore, the smell totally turns me off! I'm also gonna cut out processed meats and other processed foods! I don't need all of those additives. So no more chips for this girl! I want to cook more and try to be more proactive in finding good recipes!
So now to my exercise plan. I'm going to workout every day except Sunday! That is the Lord's day! I do want to back to church again! I am gonna mix it up and live it up! I will only go to the gym 3-4 days a week, other times I will Just Dance on the Wii, some days I will just free dance in my room! I'm not gonna stuff my face after every workout either. It's gonna be hard, but I am gonna push through and this time next year I hope that I can say I reached my goal and surpassed it entirely! My goal is to be at least 30 pounds lighter. I also want to be able to walk down the hall and down the stairs without being so damn winded! So that is my hopefully attainable plan/goal!  All throughout this I will be posting my progress of course, and I might just might at the end get the nerve to post before and after pics! I'm going to need encouragement, so if you stumble upon this blog, please send any comments, thoughts and if you gonna hate on me then keep it to yourself, because I ain't got time for small minded people to be hatin! So tell me what you think of my plan and please send recipes or workout routines you like to do and of course always send music playlists I found a new playlist that I particularly like. I'll upload it soon! I'm going to try to post weekly and monthly updates. I know I will have setbacks and pauses, but I am going to persevere! So until next time have a great night and a great week!!! God bless!   Oh and wish me luck!




~Ciao~

Random Thoughts

Unconditionally by Katy Perry  LOVE the song, the video is cool; has no point though, just being honest!
Neon Lights by Demi Lovato LOOOOOVE THE SONG AND ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE THE VIDEO!!!! As alwats Demi is the best! Again just saying what I feel!
Timber by Pitbull feat. ke$Ha LOOOVe the song and LOOOOOVE the video!! Very cool!
The Fox by Ylvis  OFCOURSE I LOVE both the song and the video! Yes I know it's oldish, now but I love it!
Ok so I'm not going to rehash anything but me and Warrior have parted ways, our differences were just that. That is all I am going to say because I do not want to offend anyone.

So today I am leaving to go home for winter break here TAMUT! I'm so excited! I don't have to return until January 12, 2014!  Can you believe it's already gonna be 2014?! I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner, let alone 2014!
So lately everyone has been worrying about 2014 and how great they want it to be! I say just let go and let God. Stop worrying about the future for God is already there and the future will take care of itself! That's all I'm saying!

Anyways, me and my roommate have really become closer friends and I feel like she is another sister! She has been the best friend a girl could have and I'm lucky to have such a friend!


So have any of you loyals had any doubts about your life and where it's going lately? I know I just preached about not worrying about the future, but I just feel stuck!!!  I don't know, I guess I'll figure it out.



A quick review of the video game Just Dance 2014: It is mildly awesome! I say mildly because most of the dances are not difficult at all and usually the Just Dance video games get harder every new release! Just my honest opinion there!




Anyways I have to depart, I must go finish getting ready for leaving! Everyone have a great day and a wonderful Winter Break! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! \




~Ciao~