i just realized something! i should have this morning! i spread the word about the mm video so much today! that's fine and dandy, nothing wrong with it, but i should have been spreading a different message! i should have spread God's message! The Gospel and everything about it! If i can do that every single day someone may benefit and come to know the Lord and get saved! I feel awful that I didn't think about this until now, but I am gonna change that! I am, starting now going to spread God's word, messages, gospel, and love as much as I can! It would be amazing to just to hear or see one person change through that! So that was a quick post and again good night and God Bless!
!Ciao!
Friday, January 31, 2014
Feeling Crappy vs. Feeling AWESOME
hey guys! wassup!!! Midnight Memories has 3,921,458 views as of now! I mean seriously? Is that all?! I feel as if there should be SOOOOOOOOOOO much more! That's just my opinion!
Anyways about my day! It was absolutely amazing! I had an awesome day! Most of it was spent refreshing not replaying the MM video! The other part was great! I got an early start, and went straight to work! I helped clean and take out old stuff we didn't need! I ran on toast and chips, which I know is bad sorry, and water. I have drank soooooooooo much water today it's unbelievable! I have this big water bottle I just fill up, let get cold, and then smash it in! I felt amazing all day just chugging the water! I did 100 squats again for the second day in a row and I am feeling the burn it hurts to squat now! WHICH IS GREAT! I mean if I never get uncomfortable I will never get results! So i'm gonna keep doing that! I am still waiting on news for a job offer! I also painted my nails! They are pretty, and I did the Warrior Project! I will be posting that pic tomorrow! Now for something I kinda am kicking myself in the rear for! I buckled under and drank a cup and a half of Pepsi today! Also, I ate a very small bite of a mini snickers bar! I know, I know I'm feel horrible! I actually think that soda is gone for good now! You know all day long I have had so much energy drinking solely water and after that soda and bit of candy I feel so crappy! Oh I almost forgot I had some sour gummy worms, half a bag to be exact. I feel rotten! This is actually a wake up call for me because I feel so bad that I truly believe I have given up soda and candy for good! I mean I hate the way I am feeling right now! I haven't had a headache all day until now! Excedrin isn't even working! I think my problem is that I don't have a good support system! No one in my immediate circle is encouraging me! That's bad, I mean I am running on pure self-motivation! Oh well, I mean hopefully I'll make it through this! Now for something a bit more serious.
So I went with my mom to pick up my sister at school today and we went to the store. As we were driving to the light we got up behind Warrior and her mom going to the bank. At first I was like OMG get up close to her so I can wave, but then a pit rose in my stomach! We ended not catching up before they turned, but it was a weird feeling. I believe it was something or even God telling me that it so isn't time for me to have any kind of contact with Warrior just yet! In the future we may, but not at this moment. It's take a lot for her to be able to remotely trust me again and for me to trust myself. I mean I can be a horrible friend sometimes, I am shitty to a lot of people. I am learning how to be around others again, and I think that when it is time we may be friends again. Who knows though? I mean I'm not in charge here, God is. If He wants me back in her life and her back in mine He will make a way. I personally hope that we can be again, but not right now. I can't trust myself to have any more people in my life that I can just be mean to. I have pretty much almost stopped talking to my ex-roommate and I feel a lot better about myself without that certain person in my life every single day. Not gonna lie about that anymore and pretend we were the perfect best friends when we weren't. I feel horrible saying that, but it's true.
Anyways I hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you and your beautiful awesome selfs next post!
As of right now MM video is up to 4,127,064 views! THAT IS BUZZIN! (as the boys would say!) At this rate we will break the record soon! Fingers crossed! Good night and God Bless!
<3
~Ciao~
Anyways about my day! It was absolutely amazing! I had an awesome day! Most of it was spent refreshing not replaying the MM video! The other part was great! I got an early start, and went straight to work! I helped clean and take out old stuff we didn't need! I ran on toast and chips, which I know is bad sorry, and water. I have drank soooooooooo much water today it's unbelievable! I have this big water bottle I just fill up, let get cold, and then smash it in! I felt amazing all day just chugging the water! I did 100 squats again for the second day in a row and I am feeling the burn it hurts to squat now! WHICH IS GREAT! I mean if I never get uncomfortable I will never get results! So i'm gonna keep doing that! I am still waiting on news for a job offer! I also painted my nails! They are pretty, and I did the Warrior Project! I will be posting that pic tomorrow! Now for something I kinda am kicking myself in the rear for! I buckled under and drank a cup and a half of Pepsi today! Also, I ate a very small bite of a mini snickers bar! I know, I know I'm feel horrible! I actually think that soda is gone for good now! You know all day long I have had so much energy drinking solely water and after that soda and bit of candy I feel so crappy! Oh I almost forgot I had some sour gummy worms, half a bag to be exact. I feel rotten! This is actually a wake up call for me because I feel so bad that I truly believe I have given up soda and candy for good! I mean I hate the way I am feeling right now! I haven't had a headache all day until now! Excedrin isn't even working! I think my problem is that I don't have a good support system! No one in my immediate circle is encouraging me! That's bad, I mean I am running on pure self-motivation! Oh well, I mean hopefully I'll make it through this! Now for something a bit more serious.
So I went with my mom to pick up my sister at school today and we went to the store. As we were driving to the light we got up behind Warrior and her mom going to the bank. At first I was like OMG get up close to her so I can wave, but then a pit rose in my stomach! We ended not catching up before they turned, but it was a weird feeling. I believe it was something or even God telling me that it so isn't time for me to have any kind of contact with Warrior just yet! In the future we may, but not at this moment. It's take a lot for her to be able to remotely trust me again and for me to trust myself. I mean I can be a horrible friend sometimes, I am shitty to a lot of people. I am learning how to be around others again, and I think that when it is time we may be friends again. Who knows though? I mean I'm not in charge here, God is. If He wants me back in her life and her back in mine He will make a way. I personally hope that we can be again, but not right now. I can't trust myself to have any more people in my life that I can just be mean to. I have pretty much almost stopped talking to my ex-roommate and I feel a lot better about myself without that certain person in my life every single day. Not gonna lie about that anymore and pretend we were the perfect best friends when we weren't. I feel horrible saying that, but it's true.
Anyways I hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you and your beautiful awesome selfs next post!
As of right now MM video is up to 4,127,064 views! THAT IS BUZZIN! (as the boys would say!) At this rate we will break the record soon! Fingers crossed! Good night and God Bless!
<3
~Ciao~
MIDNIGHT MEMORIES!!!
IT'S HERE! MIDNIGHT MEMORIES VIDEO IS OUT ON VEVO NOW! SO GO WATCH IT RIGHT THIS SECOND! OK?! I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE ONE DIRECTION, JUST GO WATCH IT! IT'S AMAZING JUST LIKE ALL OF THEIR VIDEOS! WE ARE GOING TO BREAK THE RECORD SOON I JUST KNOW! SO GO HELP US BREAK IT! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkx9kCdaaMg THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE! AND I'M GOING TO UPLOAD A VIDEO OF ME WATCHING IT! SO JUST GO WATCH IT! THAT VIDEO ABOVE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE BELOW BUT I AM EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES! BUT JUST WATCH IT YOU WILL LOVE IT I PROMISE!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Time is flying
O my G-O-S-H guys! It's almost February! I can't even believe it! Time is literally flying so fast! Like what is going on? It's 2014 and on top of that January is almost over! So tomorrow is a another big day for Lovatics! The other day was a big day because it was Lovatic Day! It was 3 years Unbroken for Demi! She has been out of rehab and strong for 3 years this past Tuesday! That's amazing! I remember when she went into rehab, t doesn't see like it was that long ago, but it really was. Ok so tomorrow is the warrior project for all Lovatics! On our wrists we will write Skyscraper if we know someone who is dealing with self-harm, an eating, etc. We write Unbroken on our wrists if we are currently dealing with self-harm, an eating disorder, etc. Warrior if you are in a recovery stage and Strong just to show support. Now this can be anything like self-harm, eating disorder, mental disorder, addiction, anything really. I think this is going to be cool! I personally will be writing Skyscraper, Warrior, and Strong! This explains some of what she has gone through and a description of each thing.
So if you want support not only us, but Demi as well! Anyways about time flying! I am baffled by how much time has passed, and how fast it is passing these days! I think we shouldn't squander a day away. Like I have been lazy a lot this past week, but I am getting to a point where I am am giving myself individual projects to stay busy! Like today, I was so productive! I was surprised at how productive I was. I got up fairly early, I mean it was like 10 something, but I didn't waste a second of time today! I was a clean machine! I ate toast for breakfast, which in hindsight is not the healthiest or best breakfast, but it filled me up temporarily. It was also all I had to eat. So then I watched like about 10 minutes of a show, but then I got off my ass and told myself I wasn't about to spend most of the day watching t.v. So I grabbed my laundry and got it folded and put away and then I cleaned out a section of the closet I am using right now and rearranged it to where it is accessible. Then I put some good tunes on and did the dishes, took out the trash, made a lunch of spaghetti; which turned out horrible, (I ended up eating toast again), then I swept the entire living room floor, and the kitchen floor as well. I put clean rugs in the bathroom and cleaned up a little in there. I made up my bed, which is the couch currently. I organized all of my stuff that I use everyday into a little space on the coffee table in the corner of the room, and I even got a good workout doing all of this! Now I mentioned a Youtuber in my last blog called Freelee the Banana Girl, she is awesome. She does 100 squats a day, on top of her other workout of course, but still 100 every day! I did that early this evening and I feel amazing! It took the length of one song to finish 100, the song was Talk Dirty to Me by Jason Derulo. It's a GREAT song to workout to! Anyways as I was talking about before, I think we need to cherish every moment we have on this earth! You know? If we want to do something we should just go and do it while we have the motivation and the mindset to do it! We shouldn't waste time making so many plans and never following through with them I used to be a big planner, and yes I do have daily things I like to do, but I don't plan way crazy into the future because I don't know what it holds. Only God does! Yes it's been awhile since I have really mentioned God in my blogs and I apologize for that! My relationship with Him has actually been great lately. I read The Bible every single day, sometimes I wait till' night to read,which is bad, but I am reading. I am also praying to Him, and talking to Him, and really just growing in my relationship with Him. GOD IS GREAT! He has blessed me so much more than I deserve and I am so thankful for all He has done!
Yeah so guess what!? It's been, I believe, almost a full week without soda! I know what you are thinking: What? I thought this month you were kicking soda all together Maggs!! Well yes, but it takes 31 days to form a habit and be able to stick with it! I can tell you it hasn't been easy, but I am doing it! I love water so much! I am only drinking it currently, which is good, however; I need other drinks. I want some juice or tea, but I don't have any so water is my drink right now! Going back to talking about Freelee, her diet is a high carb/raw till 4/vegan and it is absolutely amazing! Not only does she look great, but she feels great and is very healthy! Now a lot of people are hating on her lately and I just hate to see that happen. You know we should all encourage one another and be kind! Besides that, I want to adopt her lifestyle! Which is the raw till 4 vegan diet and high intensity workouts twice a week! As of right now I can't do that. I simply don't have the money to bankroll it! So I am going to slowly work my way into this diet. I am cutting out beef entirely, and I pretty much have already done that! I am cutting lunch meat out, already done a long time ago, and cutting a #%! load of junk food out as well! I may eat meat and animal by products, but it won't be a vast majority of them! I know that's not the most ideal, but it's all I can do right now. Once I get a job, which I have applied everywhere, and I can save up enough to actually do this fully raw/cooked vegan diet I will do it with ease! So fingers crossed I can get a steady job! So I know this is a really long post, just bare with me here! I applied at Finish Line online earlier and all over Texarkana, so I am just hoping and praying I receive news. I even applied up at the 7-11 here in Avery! Let's just hope something good soon! Ok so as of now I have lost another 3 pounds! Which is awesome! I mean I celebrate every pound lost, which I believe is actually helping me!
WeeklyChris uploaded a new video today so I was you I would go check it out right now, like stop reading and go watch it! It's about not comparing yourself to others. It's amazing and actually very helpful. I tend to compare my outer self to everyone else! I know that's bad, but I do it, I'm trying to stop. So what did you think of the video? Well I know not many, if not any, will actually comment responding to that question. Oh well.
Anyways I am going to wrap this long blog up and leave you with a question. Do you feel like you compare yourself to others too much? I hope you liked this post and I will see you all later! Good nigh and God Bless!
<3
~Ciao~
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Idea!
So hey guys! How's everyone out there? I know t's been 5 days since I have posted, but 3 of them I didn't have internet access!
Anyways... I have been educating myself about going vegan and I stumbled upon these videos about a different version of the diet. It's called the high carb, raw vegan diet!
Now wait, let me explain!
I know what some of you are thinking! WHAAAT? CARBS ARE BAD FOR YOU!! No, not all of them are. At least not the way I will be eating them, if I can go on this diet. It's intense! Basically I eat a #$@^#% load of fruit twice a day or until four p.m., drink at least gallon of FILTERED water per day, and then a root based cooked meal at night! Let me break it down for you.
sorry that was a long intermission i had tried to post this and a whole lot more last night but it messed up and i couldn't! so i will re-break it down for you!
Every day I will eat raw foods/organic foods until 4 p.m. which is like a 8:30 a.m. bfast and then like a 2 p.m. lunch with like maybe a snack or two in between! This will consist of only green leafy or firm veggies and of course fruit! Then at night I will eat a cooked veggie or root based meal as some call it! I can make some fries with nothing added just steamed then baked, or I can make some corn pasta, gluten free, with a gluten free, low sodium, low fat pasta sauce to go with either! This diet is gonna be all about abundance! I will be eating a lot! I think I can do this! I will also be working out, I don't know if it will be everyday, but I will be getting at least 2 workouts a week! So sorry to cut this short, but I didn't get a lick of sleep last night or this morning and I feel as if I need to lay down! So that is why I will be doing. I hope you enjoyed this blog and if you did thank you! I see how many page views I get everyday and I am rather surprised I thought no one read this! Well tell me what you think about my idea! I will post more about it soon! Love you all! God Bless!
~Ciao~
Anyways... I have been educating myself about going vegan and I stumbled upon these videos about a different version of the diet. It's called the high carb, raw vegan diet!
Now wait, let me explain!
I know what some of you are thinking! WHAAAT? CARBS ARE BAD FOR YOU!! No, not all of them are. At least not the way I will be eating them, if I can go on this diet. It's intense! Basically I eat a #$@^#% load of fruit twice a day or until four p.m., drink at least gallon of FILTERED water per day, and then a root based cooked meal at night! Let me break it down for you.
sorry that was a long intermission i had tried to post this and a whole lot more last night but it messed up and i couldn't! so i will re-break it down for you!
Every day I will eat raw foods/organic foods until 4 p.m. which is like a 8:30 a.m. bfast and then like a 2 p.m. lunch with like maybe a snack or two in between! This will consist of only green leafy or firm veggies and of course fruit! Then at night I will eat a cooked veggie or root based meal as some call it! I can make some fries with nothing added just steamed then baked, or I can make some corn pasta, gluten free, with a gluten free, low sodium, low fat pasta sauce to go with either! This diet is gonna be all about abundance! I will be eating a lot! I think I can do this! I will also be working out, I don't know if it will be everyday, but I will be getting at least 2 workouts a week! So sorry to cut this short, but I didn't get a lick of sleep last night or this morning and I feel as if I need to lay down! So that is why I will be doing. I hope you enjoyed this blog and if you did thank you! I see how many page views I get everyday and I am rather surprised I thought no one read this! Well tell me what you think about my idea! I will post more about it soon! Love you all! God Bless!
~Ciao~
Friday, January 24, 2014
Day 24
Wow it's been forever guys! Sorry I haven't posted for awhile! I have been at a loss of inspiration! I am back now and I have excellent news! Brace yourself's!!
Since I have started my new exercise and healthy eating regimen I have lost 10 pounds! Count em all 10 of them! I feel accomplished! I know to some that is not a big achievement, but for me it so is! I am so proud of myself! I hadn't felt like I had been making any progress, but I woke up this morning and I weighed myself and it was a shock! At first I was skeptical, but I weighed myself again and it was still the same@ I did a little excited dance! (Not a big one) (Only a few will get that joke there)!
Anyways, I am so pumped! It hasn't even been a month and I have already shed 10 pounds! I am so happy! So i have a long road ahead, but now my goal is closer!
Lately I have been feeling really low on energy and not wanting to do anything. Laziness was taking over me, but I'm stopping that! I haven't been eating right or sleeping right either! You know I have found that I can hardly eat anything now days! I wonder what's wrong?! Oh well!
So I will FINALLY get my wisdom teeth out soon, because they are cutting something fierce the past week! I can't wait for these puppies to be out! I am thinking that is the reason I can't eat much!
Well, that is all I have for now! I will update you more soon! Before I go, is there anybody out there that watched TVD? If there is please tell me how happy you were about last night's episode? I LOVED the Klaroline part! I was so excited! If you have no idea what I am talking about then go to cwtv.com and watch all 4 seasons of The Vampire Diaries, then start the 5th season and catch up all the way! Also watch WeeklyChris videos on youtube! THEY ARE AWESOME!!!
OK byeeeee!
~Ciao~
Since I have started my new exercise and healthy eating regimen I have lost 10 pounds! Count em all 10 of them! I feel accomplished! I know to some that is not a big achievement, but for me it so is! I am so proud of myself! I hadn't felt like I had been making any progress, but I woke up this morning and I weighed myself and it was a shock! At first I was skeptical, but I weighed myself again and it was still the same@ I did a little excited dance! (Not a big one) (Only a few will get that joke there)!
Anyways, I am so pumped! It hasn't even been a month and I have already shed 10 pounds! I am so happy! So i have a long road ahead, but now my goal is closer!
Lately I have been feeling really low on energy and not wanting to do anything. Laziness was taking over me, but I'm stopping that! I haven't been eating right or sleeping right either! You know I have found that I can hardly eat anything now days! I wonder what's wrong?! Oh well!
So I will FINALLY get my wisdom teeth out soon, because they are cutting something fierce the past week! I can't wait for these puppies to be out! I am thinking that is the reason I can't eat much!
Well, that is all I have for now! I will update you more soon! Before I go, is there anybody out there that watched TVD? If there is please tell me how happy you were about last night's episode? I LOVED the Klaroline part! I was so excited! If you have no idea what I am talking about then go to cwtv.com and watch all 4 seasons of The Vampire Diaries, then start the 5th season and catch up all the way! Also watch WeeklyChris videos on youtube! THEY ARE AWESOME!!!
OK byeeeee!
~Ciao~
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Slight Problem
Ok so apparently today was the last day to register for classes was today! We were supposed to go today, but noooooooooo my mom had to deal with grandmother stuff! Hey, maybe this is a good thing! God makes everything happen for a reason so maybe I should take this semester off and get a full time job and try again in the summer or in the fall!
Ok so I've been off a little lately, but that's okay! I haven't really worked out enough and my diet has been slipping a little. Although, now I will have a little extra time on my hands so I'll be able to get right back on track!
I know this is a short blog, but I really don't have much to talk about right now! Sorry not sorry! :3
Ok well I will see you beautiful people next time I blog! I may make this into a weekly blog! God Bless!
~Ciao~
Ok so I've been off a little lately, but that's okay! I haven't really worked out enough and my diet has been slipping a little. Although, now I will have a little extra time on my hands so I'll be able to get right back on track!
I know this is a short blog, but I really don't have much to talk about right now! Sorry not sorry! :3
Ok well I will see you beautiful people next time I blog! I may make this into a weekly blog! God Bless!
~Ciao~
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
La da da dee, la da da do
So I just finished watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2 on my computer. That's the second time I've seen it and it's still cute and funny as ever. It brought back memories of when I saw it the first time, that was a great day. Warrior and I had gone shopping, out to eat, and then a movie and then I spent the weekend at her house. I love reminiscing, it always overshadows the bad days. Yesterday was a not so great day. I slipped off the rails. I had been trying to kick the soda and I had been good until yesterday, I drank DP! It was good for a moment, but now I just feel horrible. I'm going to get better at this! I walked all around the mall yesterday getting applications and will be turning them in tomorrow! I hope by tomorrow I can register for my classes at TC! I am almost all settled back in, I'll be sharing the room with my sister for a while. I think this time I really will commit to being vegan! It seems like a great path to take and I hope all ends well! So this is a brief post, but I want to make a shout out to those who read my every post! Thanks loyals! I wish you all a great rest of the day and a greater tomorrow!!! God Bless
~Ciao~
~Ciao~
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Wassup!!?
Ok so hey guys how is everyone out there? So let's get right into it!
Today has been an awesome day! I did not go to church physically again this Sunday which SUCKED! I did however watch First Baptist Texarkana on t.v. and it was emotional to say the least. I cried a lot! It was about how when a father is absent, checked out, or gone it takes a huge toll on the child/children. It causes this wound because without a constant father figure, or even a good father the child is more likely to grow up suicidal, depressed, with an eating disorder, etc. than with children with both parents. Now I partially grew up with my dad around. This is a sore subject for me to even think about and I'm crying right now because I still have that pain. The pastor said that divorce may make the parents happier, but it is devastating to a child/children. When I was 8 years old my mom gathered my, my brother and sister and we fled with nothing but the clothes we had on our backs. We left everything behind us. All I remember is being very sleepy and scared. I learned later that my dad was threatening to hurt my mother. I'm literally shaking right now. Sorry. Now fast forward a year and my dad has found us after we had bounced from shelter to shelter and lived in a car. He fights for custody and he gets visitation rights. At first it was just him coming to see for us for an hour with a court official supervising. Then it turned in to every other weekend spent at his place. There were times that I hated leaving my mom and one weekend I stayed behind. Another time I got out of the car as we drove away from our apartment and just walked back home, crying my eyes out. Now what usually happens is that I would be sad about having to leave my mom, and then once the weekend was over I would be sad about leaving my dad. I feel like I have been crying every day since then. The every other weekend thing went on until I was like 13, then my mom told us we had to live with our dad for awhile because she had to find us a place to actually live. It had it's ups and downs and then right after I turned 14 we moved back in with our mom and some friends we were going to stay with. Now from the time I was 12 I had been feeling really different. It really hit me by the time I turned 14. I felt depressed and sad all the time and wanted to even kill myself. I self-harmed until some of the pain went away. JUST TO BE CLEAR THAT IS NEVER THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM! Anyways I always wondered why my dad didn't want us. When we would stay with him he would make fun of our accents that we had developed living in Arkansas and he would call us fat and call us sh*theads, and just make us feel awful. I don't know what toll it took on my bro and sis I never asked them. I remember that my dad would always forget my birthday and only call on his birthday so we could wish him a happy bday! I would dig my nails in my arms until they drew blood just to stop myself from crying. Not having my dad around when I needed him has probably taken the biggest toll on me and I feel this pain and I pray that one day I will be able to forgive him. We are on the outs currently because I was not able to go see him over the holidays and he didn't want to drive to get me because of a "tummy ache". I said all of that to say this: if you have your dad around please hold on to that.
Okay now for something else. I feel so blessed! I see how many page views I get and it absolutely amazing, thank you if you read this it means a lot! So this video kind of brought it all up for me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0AimxcIa8A and it opened the flood gates! I know what he has been through I've been through similar feelings! This guy is amazing! He has another channel and it's awesome as well! His boyfriend has a channel too and it's awesome as well! They are funny people! Now check out this video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c62Aqdlzvqk It's about a woman named Lizzie. She has this rare condition where she cannot gain weight, but instead of that defining her she has turned it into success! She is beautiful and very very inspiring I recommend you check her out!!! Also go type in WeeklyChris on YouTube and check him out! He is awesome as well! I just want to say a big thanks to all of you beautiful people who read this, you are my loyals!!! So i haven't really talked about exercising and eating right lately and it's because I've had other things to talk about, but I promise I'll talk about it next blog! I must sign off now I send my love to each and every one of you and I will see you soon, or wait I will blog to you soon! Until next time!
~Ciao~
Today has been an awesome day! I did not go to church physically again this Sunday which SUCKED! I did however watch First Baptist Texarkana on t.v. and it was emotional to say the least. I cried a lot! It was about how when a father is absent, checked out, or gone it takes a huge toll on the child/children. It causes this wound because without a constant father figure, or even a good father the child is more likely to grow up suicidal, depressed, with an eating disorder, etc. than with children with both parents. Now I partially grew up with my dad around. This is a sore subject for me to even think about and I'm crying right now because I still have that pain. The pastor said that divorce may make the parents happier, but it is devastating to a child/children. When I was 8 years old my mom gathered my, my brother and sister and we fled with nothing but the clothes we had on our backs. We left everything behind us. All I remember is being very sleepy and scared. I learned later that my dad was threatening to hurt my mother. I'm literally shaking right now. Sorry. Now fast forward a year and my dad has found us after we had bounced from shelter to shelter and lived in a car. He fights for custody and he gets visitation rights. At first it was just him coming to see for us for an hour with a court official supervising. Then it turned in to every other weekend spent at his place. There were times that I hated leaving my mom and one weekend I stayed behind. Another time I got out of the car as we drove away from our apartment and just walked back home, crying my eyes out. Now what usually happens is that I would be sad about having to leave my mom, and then once the weekend was over I would be sad about leaving my dad. I feel like I have been crying every day since then. The every other weekend thing went on until I was like 13, then my mom told us we had to live with our dad for awhile because she had to find us a place to actually live. It had it's ups and downs and then right after I turned 14 we moved back in with our mom and some friends we were going to stay with. Now from the time I was 12 I had been feeling really different. It really hit me by the time I turned 14. I felt depressed and sad all the time and wanted to even kill myself. I self-harmed until some of the pain went away. JUST TO BE CLEAR THAT IS NEVER THE ANSWER TO ANY PROBLEM! Anyways I always wondered why my dad didn't want us. When we would stay with him he would make fun of our accents that we had developed living in Arkansas and he would call us fat and call us sh*theads, and just make us feel awful. I don't know what toll it took on my bro and sis I never asked them. I remember that my dad would always forget my birthday and only call on his birthday so we could wish him a happy bday! I would dig my nails in my arms until they drew blood just to stop myself from crying. Not having my dad around when I needed him has probably taken the biggest toll on me and I feel this pain and I pray that one day I will be able to forgive him. We are on the outs currently because I was not able to go see him over the holidays and he didn't want to drive to get me because of a "tummy ache". I said all of that to say this: if you have your dad around please hold on to that.
Okay now for something else. I feel so blessed! I see how many page views I get and it absolutely amazing, thank you if you read this it means a lot! So this video kind of brought it all up for me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y0AimxcIa8A and it opened the flood gates! I know what he has been through I've been through similar feelings! This guy is amazing! He has another channel and it's awesome as well! His boyfriend has a channel too and it's awesome as well! They are funny people! Now check out this video! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c62Aqdlzvqk It's about a woman named Lizzie. She has this rare condition where she cannot gain weight, but instead of that defining her she has turned it into success! She is beautiful and very very inspiring I recommend you check her out!!! Also go type in WeeklyChris on YouTube and check him out! He is awesome as well! I just want to say a big thanks to all of you beautiful people who read this, you are my loyals!!! So i haven't really talked about exercising and eating right lately and it's because I've had other things to talk about, but I promise I'll talk about it next blog! I must sign off now I send my love to each and every one of you and I will see you soon, or wait I will blog to you soon! Until next time!
~Ciao~
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Trying to change
Hi everybody! How's it going out there? I am having an absolutely awesome day! I slept later than usual, getting some laundry done now, watched some good t.v., and now I'm chillin and typing to your beautiful faces! So I have a change I want to make and it's gonna be really hard because I won't have an immediate in my face support system! I want to go vegan! I don't want to eat animals anymore and I don't want to live the unhealthy lifestyle I have been living. Now I know I have support through other social media, and I have plenty resources, but it's gonna be a struggle. I am moving back in with my mom/grandmother, (still undecided on that), and no one in my family is vegetarian, let alone vegan! I don't know how to go about this other than charging straight forward, but I need your help! Please comment below if you have any tips and comment below if you want to express any opinions on this subject at hand! Okay so I have to go because I need to exercise!! I wish everyone a great rest of the day! God Bless! See ya next time!
~Ciao~
Friday, January 10, 2014
Better than words!
Okay so if you don't know that song it's by the lovely 1D! Please don't hate on them!
HI EVERYBODY!!! Shout out to everyone who reads my blogs and a big shout out to all the bloggers and vloggers of the world! I hope the day is treating you nicely! Let's talk about yesterday first! I was productive, got up early got a fresh start! I had an urge to clean, so while my mom and brother were gone; and with my sister at school, I had a whole place to just clean! Now as some of you may know I LOVE to clean! I LOVE to organize and I enjoy doing it! So i swept the apartment all over and bagged three trash bags! Made 2 trips to the dumpster and danced around whilst cleaning! So that in itself was two workouts! I physically worked out and I mentally got my mind off of everything for a bit! All in all it was a great day! I rewarded myself by relaxing afterwords!
Now last night! So I was checking my college email and I had two emails about financial aid. I opened them and one was that I lost my Freshman Arnold 4 Year Scholarship because I didn't meet the criteria! I had to complete 12 hours in order to keep it. I was only enrolled in 9 so right then and there it didn't work out form the get go. So there is a good chunk of money I needed. The other email was about the Texas Grant I was given and it said if I didn't go accept it then it would go away. Now the lovely TAMUT offers loans to people and if you don't go online and decline those offers you have the loan by default! So now I have to work it all out! My mother and I were talking and we have come to the conclusion that I should transfer to TC!
Okay wow had that set as a draft hours ago! Sorry this took so long! I had all of the above typed but left to go sort out stuff college wise! Wow, a lot has happened since then. So I went up to Texas A&M University Texarkana and checked out all the possibilities! I will not be able to pay completely by Wednesday! So my mom and I talked it over and we both decided that I should transfer back to Texarkana College! I dropped my classes, dropped TAMUT from my FAFSA and added TC to it, now all I have to do is move out and either move in with my mother or my grandmother. Before I get into that I will say that this is a wake up call for me! I need to get my act together, which I am currently attempting to do, and commit! Now on to the elephant in the room!
As you all know or should by now if you have read all of my blogs; living with my mother can be problematic. See last year there was a GINORMOUS blowup with her that I blew way out of proportion.
Basically I didn't have any respect for anyone or anything and I took it out on everybody! I was a dark time for me, and I was just a wreck. I moved in with my best friend and not much in me had changed; just the scenery. I am 100% to blame on all of this. Now as of right now I can say that I have learned that I need to respect those and take criticism and discipline in stride! Spending the last few months on my own in a dorm I have experienced what it's like to live without a parent. Yes my mom did help out when she could, but waking up without my mom around every morning was to be honest, sucky! It sucks not having your parent around, but I have learned to be nicer and more respectful and not yell and scream and take out my bad days on her or anyone else. I am learning that I will have good and bad, but I have to let the good outshine the bad. So whether I end up living back at home or with my grandmother again I am gonna be okay!
So now I have to deal with a few lose ends. I mean I have to fully check out of the dorms and then there is the whole friends I'm leaving behind. I think this is good for me, I have talked to God about this and prayed that He is leading me down the right path. We shall see! If you don't know I have picked the major I want to study and that is education! I love kids and the only way to help kids was to either be a teacher or a social worker, so I decide on teacher! It will be fun to help kids learn and grow as human beings in this crazy mixed up world! So for now I'm getting my basics out of the way as fast as I can then I will go on to study education at a deeper level! I may end up going to a graduate school! Who knows what the future holds!
Okay that is it for today/tonight! I hope everyone enjoys this and thanks to those who read these blogs! If you don't know who WeeklyChris is you should go to the wonderful YouTube and subscribe to him, he is awesome! He has a great take on life, he can sing, and he is easy on the eyes! He is also on every other social site! Until next time everyone!!
God Bless
~Ciao~
HI EVERYBODY!!! Shout out to everyone who reads my blogs and a big shout out to all the bloggers and vloggers of the world! I hope the day is treating you nicely! Let's talk about yesterday first! I was productive, got up early got a fresh start! I had an urge to clean, so while my mom and brother were gone; and with my sister at school, I had a whole place to just clean! Now as some of you may know I LOVE to clean! I LOVE to organize and I enjoy doing it! So i swept the apartment all over and bagged three trash bags! Made 2 trips to the dumpster and danced around whilst cleaning! So that in itself was two workouts! I physically worked out and I mentally got my mind off of everything for a bit! All in all it was a great day! I rewarded myself by relaxing afterwords!
Now last night! So I was checking my college email and I had two emails about financial aid. I opened them and one was that I lost my Freshman Arnold 4 Year Scholarship because I didn't meet the criteria! I had to complete 12 hours in order to keep it. I was only enrolled in 9 so right then and there it didn't work out form the get go. So there is a good chunk of money I needed. The other email was about the Texas Grant I was given and it said if I didn't go accept it then it would go away. Now the lovely TAMUT offers loans to people and if you don't go online and decline those offers you have the loan by default! So now I have to work it all out! My mother and I were talking and we have come to the conclusion that I should transfer to TC!
Okay wow had that set as a draft hours ago! Sorry this took so long! I had all of the above typed but left to go sort out stuff college wise! Wow, a lot has happened since then. So I went up to Texas A&M University Texarkana and checked out all the possibilities! I will not be able to pay completely by Wednesday! So my mom and I talked it over and we both decided that I should transfer back to Texarkana College! I dropped my classes, dropped TAMUT from my FAFSA and added TC to it, now all I have to do is move out and either move in with my mother or my grandmother. Before I get into that I will say that this is a wake up call for me! I need to get my act together, which I am currently attempting to do, and commit! Now on to the elephant in the room!
As you all know or should by now if you have read all of my blogs; living with my mother can be problematic. See last year there was a GINORMOUS blowup with her that I blew way out of proportion.
Basically I didn't have any respect for anyone or anything and I took it out on everybody! I was a dark time for me, and I was just a wreck. I moved in with my best friend and not much in me had changed; just the scenery. I am 100% to blame on all of this. Now as of right now I can say that I have learned that I need to respect those and take criticism and discipline in stride! Spending the last few months on my own in a dorm I have experienced what it's like to live without a parent. Yes my mom did help out when she could, but waking up without my mom around every morning was to be honest, sucky! It sucks not having your parent around, but I have learned to be nicer and more respectful and not yell and scream and take out my bad days on her or anyone else. I am learning that I will have good and bad, but I have to let the good outshine the bad. So whether I end up living back at home or with my grandmother again I am gonna be okay!
So now I have to deal with a few lose ends. I mean I have to fully check out of the dorms and then there is the whole friends I'm leaving behind. I think this is good for me, I have talked to God about this and prayed that He is leading me down the right path. We shall see! If you don't know I have picked the major I want to study and that is education! I love kids and the only way to help kids was to either be a teacher or a social worker, so I decide on teacher! It will be fun to help kids learn and grow as human beings in this crazy mixed up world! So for now I'm getting my basics out of the way as fast as I can then I will go on to study education at a deeper level! I may end up going to a graduate school! Who knows what the future holds!
Okay that is it for today/tonight! I hope everyone enjoys this and thanks to those who read these blogs! If you don't know who WeeklyChris is you should go to the wonderful YouTube and subscribe to him, he is awesome! He has a great take on life, he can sing, and he is easy on the eyes! He is also on every other social site! Until next time everyone!!
God Bless
~Ciao~
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Happily!
Oh Hi! (in case you are wondering I got the Oh hi bit from Matthew Lush on YouTube!)
So hey guys how are ya'll doing today! Today has been a good day and you know why because everyday is a good day! (I got that bit from MarkE Miller on YouTube) Both of those guys have great outlooks on life!
An update on yesterday: it was a LAZY day! I didn't do much other than sit on my computer and the couch! I know what you're thinking: "WHAAAAAAT? Did you work out? Did you be productive at least?" My answers are no and no! Now the reason is because I was feeling a bit under the weather and did not feel up to doing much! I didn't even get dressed! Sorry errrrrrbody!
However, today it was a VERY productive day and a VERY awesome day! I read my daily devotional in The Great Book and then I watched a smidge of t.v.; got a good bfast and lunch! I got a great workout in! I feel AHmazing! I just finished a yummy dinner and now I'm just chillin out maxin and relaxin! I am about to watch The People's Choice Awards! I am stoked because I absolutely love watching people win the awards they deserve and the fandom I am a part of, the Lovatics, may be winning an award! It's nice to be a part of that! I voted a million times for all my faves! So now I'm a waiting for the time to come! Anyways I'm rambling! I hope you all had a great day! I wish everyone a great evening and a fantastic tomorrow! I love you all who read these blogs!
Peace Love, Luck, Happiness and all that jazz!
~Ciao~
So hey guys how are ya'll doing today! Today has been a good day and you know why because everyday is a good day! (I got that bit from MarkE Miller on YouTube) Both of those guys have great outlooks on life!
An update on yesterday: it was a LAZY day! I didn't do much other than sit on my computer and the couch! I know what you're thinking: "WHAAAAAAT? Did you work out? Did you be productive at least?" My answers are no and no! Now the reason is because I was feeling a bit under the weather and did not feel up to doing much! I didn't even get dressed! Sorry errrrrrbody!
However, today it was a VERY productive day and a VERY awesome day! I read my daily devotional in The Great Book and then I watched a smidge of t.v.; got a good bfast and lunch! I got a great workout in! I feel AHmazing! I just finished a yummy dinner and now I'm just chillin out maxin and relaxin! I am about to watch The People's Choice Awards! I am stoked because I absolutely love watching people win the awards they deserve and the fandom I am a part of, the Lovatics, may be winning an award! It's nice to be a part of that! I voted a million times for all my faves! So now I'm a waiting for the time to come! Anyways I'm rambling! I hope you all had a great day! I wish everyone a great evening and a fantastic tomorrow! I love you all who read these blogs!
Peace Love, Luck, Happiness and all that jazz!
~Ciao~
Monday, January 6, 2014
Music Sounds Better
So I guess I'm back to naming my blogs with songs!
Oh Hi!
Anyways! SUP BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!?? I am having a great day so far! I forgot to blog yesterday but it was an amazing day! I woke up and read my daily devotional then I watched the First Baptist Church Texarkana broadcast on t.v. and since I could not attend church it was the next best thing! I ate a yummy breakfast and an even yummier lunch! The sermon preached was the start of a new series called Man Up!
It was directed at men, but it actually benefited me because I can learn what to look for in a husband! I know that I shouldn't settle for anything less than what God wants me to have. Well then I watched a few funny movies and then took a nap! It was a good day to rest and I did just that!
So now for today! I woke up very early this morning and I read my devotional, which was amazing, and then I had an apple for bfast! I watched a little t.v. and now I am here blogging! The plan for today is to dance my butt into shape! I am feeling like Zumba is the way today! I am gonna get it and make it great! I have adopted saying that from watching all of Trent Shelton's videos! If you haven't watched any of them or even heard of him you NEED, scratch that, you MUST stop whatever you are doing right now and go to Facebook and look him up! He is so inspirational and you will LOVE his messages!!!
Okay so I'm off to go catch my dreams! I wish you all a great day and if you are out there dealing with a problem and need encouragement or help connect with me in the comment section below or on Facebook! Just type in Maggs Blythe!!
~Ciao my peeps~
Oh Hi!
Anyways! SUP BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!!!?? I am having a great day so far! I forgot to blog yesterday but it was an amazing day! I woke up and read my daily devotional then I watched the First Baptist Church Texarkana broadcast on t.v. and since I could not attend church it was the next best thing! I ate a yummy breakfast and an even yummier lunch! The sermon preached was the start of a new series called Man Up!
It was directed at men, but it actually benefited me because I can learn what to look for in a husband! I know that I shouldn't settle for anything less than what God wants me to have. Well then I watched a few funny movies and then took a nap! It was a good day to rest and I did just that!
So now for today! I woke up very early this morning and I read my devotional, which was amazing, and then I had an apple for bfast! I watched a little t.v. and now I am here blogging! The plan for today is to dance my butt into shape! I am feeling like Zumba is the way today! I am gonna get it and make it great! I have adopted saying that from watching all of Trent Shelton's videos! If you haven't watched any of them or even heard of him you NEED, scratch that, you MUST stop whatever you are doing right now and go to Facebook and look him up! He is so inspirational and you will LOVE his messages!!!
Okay so I'm off to go catch my dreams! I wish you all a great day and if you are out there dealing with a problem and need encouragement or help connect with me in the comment section below or on Facebook! Just type in Maggs Blythe!!
~Ciao my peeps~
Saturday, January 4, 2014
Closer to God
Hey everybody!!So as my title indicates this post is going to focus on the great and mighty Lord! So I woke up this morning feeling just close to Him. I felt drawn to Him! I do feel that everyday, but I just feel that something major in my relationship with Him is going to change for the better! I read a daily devotion and I just feel like this inner joy wanting to jump out of me! Praise God for He IS good!!!!
So I haven't exercised today because I am feeling a little lazy, I mean that is the downside to trying to be healthy. I will be getting up and active though, because it is a beautiful day and it shouldn't be wasted any longer! So I'm going to go outside and just run around! I wish everyone a great rest of the day! Let's make it great!!!
~Ciao~
So I haven't exercised today because I am feeling a little lazy, I mean that is the downside to trying to be healthy. I will be getting up and active though, because it is a beautiful day and it shouldn't be wasted any longer! So I'm going to go outside and just run around! I wish everyone a great rest of the day! Let's make it great!!!
~Ciao~
Friday, January 3, 2014
Oh Hi!
Hey guys! So wassup?
So today has been great! Everyday is a great day! I woke up earlier than I did yesterday and I felt empowered! I pulled out The Holy Bible and read a few verses! Actually I'm doing the thing n the back that is called Read through The Bible in a Year and it is a great way to start every day! I logged a good workout and danced for awhile and even walked down to the dumpster twice so that was a little extra cardio! I just hopped out of the shower and I am dressed and you know just ready to see what else is gonna happen today! I almost forgot I had a very yummy breakfast made by my awesome mom! I only have 9 more days then it is back to college for me! I'm feeling confident in my ability to have a better semester this time around! So wish me luck and I hope everyone is having a great day! I wish you the best and please if you have any questions or comments leave them below! Lots of luck and love!
P.S. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
~Ciao~
So today has been great! Everyday is a great day! I woke up earlier than I did yesterday and I felt empowered! I pulled out The Holy Bible and read a few verses! Actually I'm doing the thing n the back that is called Read through The Bible in a Year and it is a great way to start every day! I logged a good workout and danced for awhile and even walked down to the dumpster twice so that was a little extra cardio! I just hopped out of the shower and I am dressed and you know just ready to see what else is gonna happen today! I almost forgot I had a very yummy breakfast made by my awesome mom! I only have 9 more days then it is back to college for me! I'm feeling confident in my ability to have a better semester this time around! So wish me luck and I hope everyone is having a great day! I wish you the best and please if you have any questions or comments leave them below! Lots of luck and love!
P.S. YOU ARE AWESOME!!!
~Ciao~
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Clean Slate
HAPPY NEW YEAR ERRRRRBODY!!!
So how is everyone!? I am having a great year already!
So I rang in the new year watching Dick Clark's Rockin New Year's Eve and listening to Best Song Ever and Midnight Memories by none other than the fabulous One Direction! I danced my way into 2014!
Yesterday I logged in a great workout and got the laundry done and cleaned like crazy I feel accomplished! I even woke up early!
So today I woke up slightly late, but that is okay because I am holding myself accountable for the good and the bad! A wise person told me last year that I had to do that for myself and I am taking that advice and finally taking charge of my own life. I need control of it once and for all! No one can make my decisions for me and I'm not letting anyone influence me anymore! So i'm going to make it great! I think this exercise and diet regimen will be sticking! I'm sick of having to carry around all this extra weight!
SOOOOO I am off to exercise now! Sorry for the briefness, but I will post a long one later or maybe in a few days! Everyone out there that is having a hard struggle with anything just remember to STAY STRONG! You will make it through this and if you ever need anyone to talk to just hit me up in the comment section below or on Facebook my name on there is Maggs Blythe. I wish everyone a great day and a great weekend!
~Ciao~
So how is everyone!? I am having a great year already!
So I rang in the new year watching Dick Clark's Rockin New Year's Eve and listening to Best Song Ever and Midnight Memories by none other than the fabulous One Direction! I danced my way into 2014!
Yesterday I logged in a great workout and got the laundry done and cleaned like crazy I feel accomplished! I even woke up early!
So today I woke up slightly late, but that is okay because I am holding myself accountable for the good and the bad! A wise person told me last year that I had to do that for myself and I am taking that advice and finally taking charge of my own life. I need control of it once and for all! No one can make my decisions for me and I'm not letting anyone influence me anymore! So i'm going to make it great! I think this exercise and diet regimen will be sticking! I'm sick of having to carry around all this extra weight!
SOOOOO I am off to exercise now! Sorry for the briefness, but I will post a long one later or maybe in a few days! Everyone out there that is having a hard struggle with anything just remember to STAY STRONG! You will make it through this and if you ever need anyone to talk to just hit me up in the comment section below or on Facebook my name on there is Maggs Blythe. I wish everyone a great day and a great weekend!
~Ciao~
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