Okay so this will be my final post for this year! I will not be back on after this but I have to get it out!
So there I was on a binge. I was trying to be good and cut off the soda and the junk food and as I was munching on Fritos and drinking Dr. Pepper when I felt horrible, like I wanted to puke horrible! I could feel the sugar, and corn syrup and sliding down my throat and I felt the need to puke. I didn't, but I prolly will before the nights end or maybe tomorrow. I think something is wrong with me. Lately I have felt this strange pain in my heart. It's like I can't breathe and then it goes into my arm and I almost pass out. I feel oddly tired all the time. If I don't eat every 2 or 3 hours I nearly pass out and I'm always thirsty. I have to pee ALL the time and I'm out of breath by just walking across the floor or after making my bed. I'm not understanding this, and I need a checkup, but my mom just won't listen to me. I know this is very morbid, especially at this time of the year, but if I up and die then I'm sorry. I'm too paranoid aren't I? Anyways I wish everyone in a any other situation, other than paranoia, hope; hope for a better future! For the final time I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year! Sorry for complaining, I had to get it off my chest!
~Ciao~
Monday, December 23, 2013
Hey everybody!
Good evening everyone! I hope all of you are having a great holiday and remembering to keep Christ is Christmas! My mom can't see how amazing this Christmas has been! There are no presents and there will not be, but that is not the point! Christmas is about spending time with God, remembering Jesus' birth, and spending time with loved ones. She is hoping that next year will be better, but she can't grasp not to worry about the future because God is already there! Anyways I'm wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
So here is the full story with my dad/ He was whining and bad mouthing my mom about not being able to meet him halfway and he said I won't be spending the rest of my break there so I'll be here all break long.
Everyone I must depart and I won't be back for a few days, taking a break here! Have a great night!
Peace
Love
Happiness
God Bless
~Ciao for now~
So here is the full story with my dad/ He was whining and bad mouthing my mom about not being able to meet him halfway and he said I won't be spending the rest of my break there so I'll be here all break long.
Everyone I must depart and I won't be back for a few days, taking a break here! Have a great night!
Peace
Love
Happiness
God Bless
~Ciao for now~
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Day 6 and an issue
So today was a great day I didn't work out I rested. I feel replenished! I hope everyone is in good health! I think that tomorrow will be the day where a lot of change will take place! So wish me luck and good luck to those on their personal journey!
So the one issue I am dealing with is my father. He has decided to be petty about not coming to get me for the holidays! He complained and called my mom names because she is not able to drive up there or even meet him halfway! He doesn't want to spend 6 measly hours on the road! Well I told him what I thought about that and now I guess that bridge is burned! More on that story tomorrow!
Everyone have a great day tomorrow and an even greater holiday break!
Peace Love Hugs and God Bless
~Ciao~
So the one issue I am dealing with is my father. He has decided to be petty about not coming to get me for the holidays! He complained and called my mom names because she is not able to drive up there or even meet him halfway! He doesn't want to spend 6 measly hours on the road! Well I told him what I thought about that and now I guess that bridge is burned! More on that story tomorrow!
Everyone have a great day tomorrow and an even greater holiday break!
Peace Love Hugs and God Bless
~Ciao~
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Happily
Okay so I'm feeling chatty today! No problem with that! Just wanted to say that this has been the best time for the break from school I have had! I know there is not much time left till I have to go back! But this time I have had has helped me grown and changed me! I hope these thoughts and actions and convictions stick! I have until Jan. 12, 2013 till I have to return to college, this tie I'm getting my act together and actually going to class and participating in life! So I have a good while to have fun and to strengthen my relationships; not only with God, but with my family. My relationship with God has been lacking and slipping a lot lately and I guess that is the reason for my behavior! I'm working on being a better me! So get ready to see Maggs 2.0!!! Anyways have a great rest of the night and a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!
~Ciao~
~Ciao~
Thoughts plaguing my mind tonight
Okay Warrior I listened to Warrior by Demi for the first time in a while and I want to apologize again for my rude behavior. I just didn't realize how much of an impact I made. I hurt people, I push them away and for that I am sorry. I want to thank you because you were for me when NO ONE else was. You let me into your home and I never really thanked you for that. So I thank you for letting me stay there not just the time I had to live there but for the 5 years we have been friends. Thanks for the food you have provided me, the shelter, for rearranging your entire room and house just for me! Thanks for being completely honest with me. Thanks for loving me for who I am. Thanks for telling me that I don't have to change for anyone. Thanks for the late night and early morning phone calls. Thanks for the bad times too. Those strengthened our relationship. Thanks for your wonderful mom and dad! They did so much for me! Thanks for considering me a part of your family. Thanks for the world of chances you have given me! Now this isn't an act of desperation to get you back, I just wanted to tell you that you deserve the best! Best in friendship and in love, life, and your relationship with God. I am not the best and I hope you get everything you need and want. These songs are plaguing my mind tonight! They are for you!
Two Worlds Collide - Demi
Gift of a Friend - Demi
Fix a Heart - also by Demi
and I was watching Glee the other night and they did a cover of a song that made me cry! The song was Keep Holding On - Avril
Ok so the other thoughts are that I danced today. I have played Just Dance 4 so much that whenever a song comes on from that games I can do the dance automatically!! Funny huh?
Anyways see ya'll tomorrow!
~Ciao~
Two Worlds Collide - Demi
Gift of a Friend - Demi
Fix a Heart - also by Demi
and I was watching Glee the other night and they did a cover of a song that made me cry! The song was Keep Holding On - Avril
Ok so the other thoughts are that I danced today. I have played Just Dance 4 so much that whenever a song comes on from that games I can do the dance automatically!! Funny huh?
Anyways see ya'll tomorrow!
~Ciao~
Day 5 and other things
So today was kind of a mixed up day. I didn't wake up on time an didn't feel like it, so motivation was lacking. I ate lunch and then all of the sudden I felt some inspiration. I knew that if I didn't get at least one small workout set in that I would feel guilty and it would keep me up at night. So today I did the set backwards from yesterday! It took more effort because I still felt sleepy. However, it was a victory! So I hope I can get better and better each day as I go on this journey.
So now it's time for the other things! So i just read Warrior's post about me and I am awestruck at how much of a jerk I have been! I have been the biggest jerk in the world to someone who I would do anything for. Warrior I understand that you don't forgive me because I don't deserve a scrap of forgiveness. I have always been an influential person and I let someone get to me. People around the college have told me repeatedly that I should not be friends with her, but as usual I didn't listen. I want you to know that I looked back at things and I realize my mistakes and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know what has gotten into me. I know we may never be back to being the best of friends and I know it hurt when I told you I replaced you, but that wasn't really me. I left my Facebook open while doing the laundry and she messaged you; the first message was you. Flurp did encourage me to talk to you after I talked to him crying because I missed you. I wanted to talk to you before, but did not have the courage! I should have known she would do something like that. I'm working on getting her out of my life, but it's a work in progress. This break apart is gonna show her that she is not everything to me. It has already shown me that there are areas of my life that I need to work on and improve upon. I should have stood up for you, but I just didn't. I don't have a good excuse or even an excuse for not standing up for you. I still do care for you and wish you the very best. I guess I was tired of the same ol' same and wanted a change. I should have came to you and told you that. Lately I have been having dreams where we talk everything out and we become acquaintances and then slowly friends again. I did turn right into something I promised myself I would never be. I let myself turn into what I was growing up in the ghetto. I was letting a stranger run my life. Well no more. I know it will take time for us to ever talk again. I know I overreacted when I took you and your family off my Facebook. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm not asking for anything, I just hope one day we can talk again. I used to tell you everything. I have a secret that I haven't told anyone. Only people from the college know. I went with my roommate to Jazzy's bf's place and I didn't just get contact high. I actually took a hit. I HATE the taste of it and I will NEVER do it again. I know this post is taking forever to read, sorry about that. The feeling was ok for awhile, but then I felt horrible afterwards. I have this friend at college named Caleb, I call him Sugarplum! He is helping me realize I don't need Haley. I am going back to my previous convictions. So that is what I wanted you to know! Also that I have read your Trevor story and I LOVE it! Keep that shine that I have strayed away from.
Ok so everyone wish me luck in my weight loss journey! Also let's hope that Warrior will see it in her heart to at least read this! I pray one day we can let go of the past and try to move forward.
Oh Warrior I haven't asked in a while how are Maya and Chewy!?
Peace Love Luck and God Bless
~Ciao~
P.S. You wanna know where I got that Ciao thing from? Warrior! On our first blogs she signed her blogs that way and I love it~
So now it's time for the other things! So i just read Warrior's post about me and I am awestruck at how much of a jerk I have been! I have been the biggest jerk in the world to someone who I would do anything for. Warrior I understand that you don't forgive me because I don't deserve a scrap of forgiveness. I have always been an influential person and I let someone get to me. People around the college have told me repeatedly that I should not be friends with her, but as usual I didn't listen. I want you to know that I looked back at things and I realize my mistakes and for that I am truly sorry. I don't know what has gotten into me. I know we may never be back to being the best of friends and I know it hurt when I told you I replaced you, but that wasn't really me. I left my Facebook open while doing the laundry and she messaged you; the first message was you. Flurp did encourage me to talk to you after I talked to him crying because I missed you. I wanted to talk to you before, but did not have the courage! I should have known she would do something like that. I'm working on getting her out of my life, but it's a work in progress. This break apart is gonna show her that she is not everything to me. It has already shown me that there are areas of my life that I need to work on and improve upon. I should have stood up for you, but I just didn't. I don't have a good excuse or even an excuse for not standing up for you. I still do care for you and wish you the very best. I guess I was tired of the same ol' same and wanted a change. I should have came to you and told you that. Lately I have been having dreams where we talk everything out and we become acquaintances and then slowly friends again. I did turn right into something I promised myself I would never be. I let myself turn into what I was growing up in the ghetto. I was letting a stranger run my life. Well no more. I know it will take time for us to ever talk again. I know I overreacted when I took you and your family off my Facebook. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I'm not asking for anything, I just hope one day we can talk again. I used to tell you everything. I have a secret that I haven't told anyone. Only people from the college know. I went with my roommate to Jazzy's bf's place and I didn't just get contact high. I actually took a hit. I HATE the taste of it and I will NEVER do it again. I know this post is taking forever to read, sorry about that. The feeling was ok for awhile, but then I felt horrible afterwards. I have this friend at college named Caleb, I call him Sugarplum! He is helping me realize I don't need Haley. I am going back to my previous convictions. So that is what I wanted you to know! Also that I have read your Trevor story and I LOVE it! Keep that shine that I have strayed away from.
Ok so everyone wish me luck in my weight loss journey! Also let's hope that Warrior will see it in her heart to at least read this! I pray one day we can let go of the past and try to move forward.
Oh Warrior I haven't asked in a while how are Maya and Chewy!?
Peace Love Luck and God Bless
~Ciao~
P.S. You wanna know where I got that Ciao thing from? Warrior! On our first blogs she signed her blogs that way and I love it~
Friday, December 20, 2013
4 days later
Ok so today I took that second and third step! The first step was clearly defining my goals! The second step I took was waking up early this morning! Instead of waking up at 1 in the afternoon and sleeping the day away, I woke up at 8:00 a.m.! It was a good feeling. Now the third step I took was that I actually worked out today! I did a set. It was 20 jumping jacks, 10 alternating lunges, 10 squats, 20 mountain climber, 20 high knees, and 20 butt kicks! It was a liberating feeling at that moment. In that single moment when I was panting and ready to fall over and die I felt a million times closer to my goal than I did the past 3 days! The days leading up to today have been hard and I can say that I have had a slightly less poor diet, I am def not there yet, but I will be! As long as I keep my eyes on the goal and just keep the right mindset I will get there! So to everyone out there trying to reach their goal(s) I salute you! Have a great night and an even greater tomorrow! I will post again son, it could be tomorrow or it could be in a few days, but just keep trucking! God bless us everyone!
~Ciao~
~Ciao~
Monday, December 16, 2013
How I will lose weight starting now!
So hey guys! How is everyone? How is life treating ya? Me? Well I am okay I guess! I mean I did lose a friend, and everyone says that she wasn't a real friend, and all that blah blah blah! I know we have and our problems, and respectively went our separate ways, but she will always have a certain place reserved in my heart! I hope one day in the future we can reconcile! We may never get that friendship we had back, but I want to make nice! But that is in the past right now! I have had ups and downs, but I can't keep living there!
So I have devised a new plan! I am going to better myself starting now! Okay? So here is what I want to do: By this time next year I want to say that I have met my goal! Now that doesn't mean I will need a year to reach my goal! I am gonna live a healthier life. I feel as if most of health problems would disappear if I lost the excess weight! So what I'm cut a LOT of bad food habits out of my life. I am cutting soda all together! It's about time again! Every year I go on a soda kick! I feel so much better and so less sluggish when I don't drink it! I plan on drinking just water, some juices, and tea. I only drink unsweetened, which is even better!
I plan on trying to get more veggies and fruits on my diet too! I don't eat as much of fruits and veggies like I used too! I also want to cut out a lot of meats. I don't want to go full vegan or vegetarian just yet. I may just stick to fish and maybe a little chicken. But I just can't eat beef anymore, the smell totally turns me off! I'm also gonna cut out processed meats and other processed foods! I don't need all of those additives. So no more chips for this girl! I want to cook more and try to be more proactive in finding good recipes!
So now to my exercise plan. I'm going to workout every day except Sunday! That is the Lord's day! I do want to back to church again! I am gonna mix it up and live it up! I will only go to the gym 3-4 days a week, other times I will Just Dance on the Wii, some days I will just free dance in my room! I'm not gonna stuff my face after every workout either. It's gonna be hard, but I am gonna push through and this time next year I hope that I can say I reached my goal and surpassed it entirely! My goal is to be at least 30 pounds lighter. I also want to be able to walk down the hall and down the stairs without being so damn winded! So that is my hopefully attainable plan/goal! All throughout this I will be posting my progress of course, and I might just might at the end get the nerve to post before and after pics! I'm going to need encouragement, so if you stumble upon this blog, please send any comments, thoughts and if you gonna hate on me then keep it to yourself, because I ain't got time for small minded people to be hatin! So tell me what you think of my plan and please send recipes or workout routines you like to do and of course always send music playlists I found a new playlist that I particularly like. I'll upload it soon! I'm going to try to post weekly and monthly updates. I know I will have setbacks and pauses, but I am going to persevere! So until next time have a great night and a great week!!! God bless! Oh and wish me luck!
~Ciao~
So I have devised a new plan! I am going to better myself starting now! Okay? So here is what I want to do: By this time next year I want to say that I have met my goal! Now that doesn't mean I will need a year to reach my goal! I am gonna live a healthier life. I feel as if most of health problems would disappear if I lost the excess weight! So what I'm cut a LOT of bad food habits out of my life. I am cutting soda all together! It's about time again! Every year I go on a soda kick! I feel so much better and so less sluggish when I don't drink it! I plan on drinking just water, some juices, and tea. I only drink unsweetened, which is even better!
I plan on trying to get more veggies and fruits on my diet too! I don't eat as much of fruits and veggies like I used too! I also want to cut out a lot of meats. I don't want to go full vegan or vegetarian just yet. I may just stick to fish and maybe a little chicken. But I just can't eat beef anymore, the smell totally turns me off! I'm also gonna cut out processed meats and other processed foods! I don't need all of those additives. So no more chips for this girl! I want to cook more and try to be more proactive in finding good recipes!
So now to my exercise plan. I'm going to workout every day except Sunday! That is the Lord's day! I do want to back to church again! I am gonna mix it up and live it up! I will only go to the gym 3-4 days a week, other times I will Just Dance on the Wii, some days I will just free dance in my room! I'm not gonna stuff my face after every workout either. It's gonna be hard, but I am gonna push through and this time next year I hope that I can say I reached my goal and surpassed it entirely! My goal is to be at least 30 pounds lighter. I also want to be able to walk down the hall and down the stairs without being so damn winded! So that is my hopefully attainable plan/goal! All throughout this I will be posting my progress of course, and I might just might at the end get the nerve to post before and after pics! I'm going to need encouragement, so if you stumble upon this blog, please send any comments, thoughts and if you gonna hate on me then keep it to yourself, because I ain't got time for small minded people to be hatin! So tell me what you think of my plan and please send recipes or workout routines you like to do and of course always send music playlists I found a new playlist that I particularly like. I'll upload it soon! I'm going to try to post weekly and monthly updates. I know I will have setbacks and pauses, but I am going to persevere! So until next time have a great night and a great week!!! God bless! Oh and wish me luck!
~Ciao~
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Random Thoughts
Unconditionally by Katy Perry LOVE the song, the video is cool; has no point though, just being honest!
Neon Lights by Demi Lovato LOOOOOVE THE SONG AND ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE THE VIDEO!!!! As alwats Demi is the best! Again just saying what I feel!
Timber by Pitbull feat. ke$Ha LOOOVe the song and LOOOOOVE the video!! Very cool!
The Fox by Ylvis OFCOURSE I LOVE both the song and the video! Yes I know it's oldish, now but I love it!
Ok so I'm not going to rehash anything but me and Warrior have parted ways, our differences were just that. That is all I am going to say because I do not want to offend anyone.
So today I am leaving to go home for winter break here TAMUT! I'm so excited! I don't have to return until January 12, 2014! Can you believe it's already gonna be 2014?! I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner, let alone 2014!
So lately everyone has been worrying about 2014 and how great they want it to be! I say just let go and let God. Stop worrying about the future for God is already there and the future will take care of itself! That's all I'm saying!
Anyways, me and my roommate have really become closer friends and I feel like she is another sister! She has been the best friend a girl could have and I'm lucky to have such a friend!
So have any of you loyals had any doubts about your life and where it's going lately? I know I just preached about not worrying about the future, but I just feel stuck!!! I don't know, I guess I'll figure it out.
A quick review of the video game Just Dance 2014: It is mildly awesome! I say mildly because most of the dances are not difficult at all and usually the Just Dance video games get harder every new release! Just my honest opinion there!
Anyways I have to depart, I must go finish getting ready for leaving! Everyone have a great day and a wonderful Winter Break! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! \
~Ciao~
Neon Lights by Demi Lovato LOOOOOVE THE SONG AND ABSOLUTELY LOOOOOVE THE VIDEO!!!! As alwats Demi is the best! Again just saying what I feel!
Timber by Pitbull feat. ke$Ha LOOOVe the song and LOOOOOVE the video!! Very cool!
The Fox by Ylvis OFCOURSE I LOVE both the song and the video! Yes I know it's oldish, now but I love it!
Ok so I'm not going to rehash anything but me and Warrior have parted ways, our differences were just that. That is all I am going to say because I do not want to offend anyone.
So today I am leaving to go home for winter break here TAMUT! I'm so excited! I don't have to return until January 12, 2014! Can you believe it's already gonna be 2014?! I can't believe Christmas is just around the corner, let alone 2014!
So lately everyone has been worrying about 2014 and how great they want it to be! I say just let go and let God. Stop worrying about the future for God is already there and the future will take care of itself! That's all I'm saying!
Anyways, me and my roommate have really become closer friends and I feel like she is another sister! She has been the best friend a girl could have and I'm lucky to have such a friend!
So have any of you loyals had any doubts about your life and where it's going lately? I know I just preached about not worrying about the future, but I just feel stuck!!! I don't know, I guess I'll figure it out.
A quick review of the video game Just Dance 2014: It is mildly awesome! I say mildly because most of the dances are not difficult at all and usually the Just Dance video games get harder every new release! Just my honest opinion there!
Anyways I have to depart, I must go finish getting ready for leaving! Everyone have a great day and a wonderful Winter Break! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! \
~Ciao~
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Made in the U.S.A.
That is by the amazing Demi Lovato, of course.
So I did not post my story, sorry. I'm not going to do one, it's pointless. Only one person reads this and no one else is interested in what I have to say. So no story!
Have a great night!
~Ciao~
So I did not post my story, sorry. I'm not going to do one, it's pointless. Only one person reads this and no one else is interested in what I have to say. So no story!
Have a great night!
~Ciao~
Sunday, October 27, 2013
God's Great Dance Floor
Ok so this song is by Chris Tomlin! I just finished listening to it and I absolutely LOOOOVE it!!!!
Anyways I know I haven't written to ya'll in forever, sorry!!!!
Ok so I need to vent major time!!!
So my roommate and I aren't the best of friends, but we are cool! Until now.....
Last week a big major blowup and $60 of mine ended up missing. She says she did not take it, but I know like mess that she did! I can tell when someone is lying! She def was. After a weekend at my dad's I forgot about it, and moved on. I talked to her about it and came to an agreement that she would pay me back so she would not go to jail, and I was like ok cool! Now she has always been very moody, but I put up with it because I am just the type of person to let it roll off my back. NOT ANYMORE! She uses my deodorant, perfume, money, laptop, and eats my food I buy and my mom buys WITHOUT asking! EVERY DANG DAY!!!!!!!!!!! Now at first it's ok, but she cusses me out too, and I that is where I draw the line! Ok so I was watching Hocus Pocus on t.v. and she didn't want me to and was like, "Do we have to watch this?" She loathes watching t.v. and hates it when I do. I turned it off and was like, "It's not that big a deal, it's just a movie." I was a little ticked because I'm sick of her telling me what to do! So then she says no what is a big deal is that you always control what happens in this room. (I took out a few words she said, because I don't want that language on here.) And then was like if it's not a big deal I'll get a new bleeping roommate because if your are gonna be bossy and bleep then I don't need that kind of person in my life. I was like fine be my guest!
Then I left the room, slamming the door hard enough to wake any sleeping dead person! I talked to Warrior and her mom and that calmed me down. That is beside the point, I should not have to deal with this! That was the LAST straw! I am DONE! So sick and tired of having to deal with this mess! I refuse to anymore! So I'll be moving out as soon as I can, and I won't have to be her friend any longer! I'm not going to deal with it for another second, just gonna keep my headphones in and block her out as much as possible.
So there it's all out! I did hold back a LOT of anger, but that's all good!
Tomorrow I will be posting a story I am going to start! It will stretch over many posts. They are actually dreams I have had recently. I got the inspiration from my bestie over at www.Sorry4PartyRocking2012.blogspot.com !!! Go check it out! It's awesome, like a freakin mind-grenade!
Until then I bid you goodbye and goodnight!
~Ciao~
Anyways I know I haven't written to ya'll in forever, sorry!!!!
Ok so I need to vent major time!!!
So my roommate and I aren't the best of friends, but we are cool! Until now.....
Last week a big major blowup and $60 of mine ended up missing. She says she did not take it, but I know like mess that she did! I can tell when someone is lying! She def was. After a weekend at my dad's I forgot about it, and moved on. I talked to her about it and came to an agreement that she would pay me back so she would not go to jail, and I was like ok cool! Now she has always been very moody, but I put up with it because I am just the type of person to let it roll off my back. NOT ANYMORE! She uses my deodorant, perfume, money, laptop, and eats my food I buy and my mom buys WITHOUT asking! EVERY DANG DAY!!!!!!!!!!! Now at first it's ok, but she cusses me out too, and I that is where I draw the line! Ok so I was watching Hocus Pocus on t.v. and she didn't want me to and was like, "Do we have to watch this?" She loathes watching t.v. and hates it when I do. I turned it off and was like, "It's not that big a deal, it's just a movie." I was a little ticked because I'm sick of her telling me what to do! So then she says no what is a big deal is that you always control what happens in this room. (I took out a few words she said, because I don't want that language on here.) And then was like if it's not a big deal I'll get a new bleeping roommate because if your are gonna be bossy and bleep then I don't need that kind of person in my life. I was like fine be my guest!
Then I left the room, slamming the door hard enough to wake any sleeping dead person! I talked to Warrior and her mom and that calmed me down. That is beside the point, I should not have to deal with this! That was the LAST straw! I am DONE! So sick and tired of having to deal with this mess! I refuse to anymore! So I'll be moving out as soon as I can, and I won't have to be her friend any longer! I'm not going to deal with it for another second, just gonna keep my headphones in and block her out as much as possible.
So there it's all out! I did hold back a LOT of anger, but that's all good!
Tomorrow I will be posting a story I am going to start! It will stretch over many posts. They are actually dreams I have had recently. I got the inspiration from my bestie over at www.Sorry4PartyRocking2012.blogspot.com !!! Go check it out! It's awesome, like a freakin mind-grenade!
Until then I bid you goodbye and goodnight!
~Ciao~
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Broken
What can I say? I was literally falling apart. My world was crashing in, it was hopeless for me! I went down a spiral and could not climb back up! Now let's flash forward five years and here I am at Texas A&M University Texarkana! Yay!! College, living in the dorm, meeting new people, blah blah blah! You know the drill! Well no I'm still broken. I have had two nights where I have felt hopeless, and utterly alone. People try to talk to me and some help calm me down, but I still feel like hell! I need a nightingale! I need someone or something to help these thoughts to go away forever! I hate thinking I should not live, that I don't deserve too! I hate wanting to hurt myself and digging my nails in my arm and my key doesn't even hurt, or make me feel anything. I wanted to feel numb, I just don't want to feel anymore. I know that I will though, over and over again. I can't stop it! So I'll keep trying, I'll wake up everyday the good Lord decides for me too and work through it! That's the only way I know. I have been skipping class a lot lately, which is good and bad, good for my mental helth, but bad for my grades. Oh well I'll get back on top soon! Wish me luck!
"Nightingale"
I can't sleep tonight
Wide awake and so confused
Everything's in line
But I am bruised
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I kinda need a hero
Is it you?
I never see the forest for the trees
I could really use your melody
Baby I'm a little blind
I think it's time for you to find me
Can you be my nightingale?
Sing to me
I know you're there
You could be my sanity
Bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
Somebody speak to me
Cause I'm feeling like hell
Need you to answer me
I'm overwhelmed
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I need a star to follow
I don't know
I never see the forest for the trees
I could really use your melody
Baby I'm a little blind
I think it's time for you to find me
Can you be my nightingale?
Sing to me
I know you're there
You could be my sanity
Bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
I don't know what I'd do without you
Your words are like a whisper come through
As long as you are with me here tonight
I'm good
Can you be my nightingale?
Still so close
I know you're there
Oh, nightingale
You sing to me
I know you're there
'Cause baby you're my sanity
You bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
Oh
Mm, mm
Mm
Ok until next time! Have a blessed day and see ya on the flippity flop!
~Ciao~
Wide awake and so confused
Everything's in line
But I am bruised
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I kinda need a hero
Is it you?
I never see the forest for the trees
I could really use your melody
Baby I'm a little blind
I think it's time for you to find me
Can you be my nightingale?
Sing to me
I know you're there
You could be my sanity
Bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
Somebody speak to me
Cause I'm feeling like hell
Need you to answer me
I'm overwhelmed
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I need a star to follow
I don't know
I never see the forest for the trees
I could really use your melody
Baby I'm a little blind
I think it's time for you to find me
Can you be my nightingale?
Sing to me
I know you're there
You could be my sanity
Bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
I don't know what I'd do without you
Your words are like a whisper come through
As long as you are with me here tonight
I'm good
Can you be my nightingale?
Still so close
I know you're there
Oh, nightingale
You sing to me
I know you're there
'Cause baby you're my sanity
You bring me peace
Sing me to sleep
Say you'll be my nightingale
Oh
Mm, mm
Mm
Ok until next time! Have a blessed day and see ya on the flippity flop!
~Ciao~
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
White Flag
That song is by Chris Tomlin, and you may be wondering what in the world I am posting about at this time of the morning. Well for one I can't sleep, and two I have far too much on my mind. Let me catch you up to speed though. So you know about the whole break up with Chase but um..... yea I'm back with Johnathan and I think this is our last try. If it doesn't work I think I really will be single for at least 2 or 3 years. I have been pretty good so far about everything and I haven't had a really bad day yet. I have been angry lately, but not sad. That is until now, or should I say awhile ago.
My roommate had a boy in here and I just couldn't stand to sit in here and cry in front of them. It felt like my world was crashing down. For the past 3 or 4 days I have had those suicidal thoughts again and the depression creeps in a lot lately, and I haven't found a way to stop it yet. Until now. Ok, so I was sitting in one of the lounge areas crying my eyes out and an RA walked by. His name us Luke, that is his real name. He talked to me and helped realize that I'm not alone anymore. That I don't have to hide it and brush it off anymore. He talked to me and said that it is probably a chemical process in my brain that is causing this. It's not just "in my head" as some would say. I can't just run from it either. And, that there are vitamins I can take that can help, all natural, all beneficial. Talking to him about a lot helped me get through a lot of it. I still feel like crying though. That's because when I cry I have to all out until I can be done.
I am blogging to you now knowing that maybe only one person at the very most will see this. I know that. But I don't care.
I saw a video on Facebook earlier about life. Granted, it was only one perspective of one individual. This individual is very intelligent. He knows what he is talking about. His name is Chaz Warren and the video is shared on my wall if you want to take a looksee! It helped to get past what I'm feeling right now.
So I have good news: as soon as I get my refund I am getting the tats!!! I am so excited to finally have Stay Strong <3 on me wrists, you don't understand!!!
Anyways I also saved this for last, they always said to save the best for last. My best friend, Warrior and I got in a fight a while back. It shook me up. I'm here to say that she was right I did use people, but I am only human and we all do that from time to time. I apologize for using everyone I have. Especially Warrior and her family. They have been a blessing to me that is indescribable! I am waving a white flag of truce Warrior! I know you hate me and probably won't speak to me again, I'm just saying sorry and thanks for everything! You truly were the best friend I had, and I said were and had because I don't know if we are friends anymore! If we are, sorry I unfriended you I was angry, and if we aren't, then thanks for the memories, I love you un-biological sister!
Anyways I have to get sleep so I don't miss class tomorrow. So goodnight/morning to everyone and have blessed day!
Ciao
P.S. If you don't know I am being called Maggs now, so refer to me as that please.
My roommate had a boy in here and I just couldn't stand to sit in here and cry in front of them. It felt like my world was crashing down. For the past 3 or 4 days I have had those suicidal thoughts again and the depression creeps in a lot lately, and I haven't found a way to stop it yet. Until now. Ok, so I was sitting in one of the lounge areas crying my eyes out and an RA walked by. His name us Luke, that is his real name. He talked to me and helped realize that I'm not alone anymore. That I don't have to hide it and brush it off anymore. He talked to me and said that it is probably a chemical process in my brain that is causing this. It's not just "in my head" as some would say. I can't just run from it either. And, that there are vitamins I can take that can help, all natural, all beneficial. Talking to him about a lot helped me get through a lot of it. I still feel like crying though. That's because when I cry I have to all out until I can be done.
I am blogging to you now knowing that maybe only one person at the very most will see this. I know that. But I don't care.
I saw a video on Facebook earlier about life. Granted, it was only one perspective of one individual. This individual is very intelligent. He knows what he is talking about. His name is Chaz Warren and the video is shared on my wall if you want to take a looksee! It helped to get past what I'm feeling right now.
So I have good news: as soon as I get my refund I am getting the tats!!! I am so excited to finally have Stay Strong <3 on me wrists, you don't understand!!!
Anyways I also saved this for last, they always said to save the best for last. My best friend, Warrior and I got in a fight a while back. It shook me up. I'm here to say that she was right I did use people, but I am only human and we all do that from time to time. I apologize for using everyone I have. Especially Warrior and her family. They have been a blessing to me that is indescribable! I am waving a white flag of truce Warrior! I know you hate me and probably won't speak to me again, I'm just saying sorry and thanks for everything! You truly were the best friend I had, and I said were and had because I don't know if we are friends anymore! If we are, sorry I unfriended you I was angry, and if we aren't, then thanks for the memories, I love you un-biological sister!
Anyways I have to get sleep so I don't miss class tomorrow. So goodnight/morning to everyone and have blessed day!
Ciao
P.S. If you don't know I am being called Maggs now, so refer to me as that please.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Hey everybody!
It's been quite a while since I have posted to ya'll! So how's everyone?! I have had a whirlwind of a week! Ok so I broke up with Chase! Everyone is happy for me about that! What had happened I tried to break up with him nicely but he started being a meanie and I had to be a meanie back to him.
Ok so I moved into the dorm at Texas A&M University Texarkana! Everyone said this would be the best week ever and they were correct! I have had so much fun in my new classes and I even got out of my remedial classes! The first day I got here I made new friends and went to this thing called Play Fair! It was a lot of ice-breakers and just loads of fun I have met a LOT of people now! Then we went to the Convocation and there's been 2 comedians and a hypnotist! I went to a headphone disco! It was fun! The past week was the best week ever I mean I just loved it! Now it's the four day weekend and the last day and I'm just here procrastinating, not wanting to write this essay about a poem, but I'll get it done!
Ok so big news! Saturday night at 9:45 I went to see the movie: One Direction This Is Us 3D and it was FREAKING AWESOME!!! I cried, laughed, hooped, hollered, and nearly peed myself! It made me so emotional! I have a new respect for them! I am re-obsessed with them! When we got home I played BSE on repeat till' like 6 in the morning!
Ok so I will post more later because my mom and Warrior will be here soon so ttyl and have a blessed day!
~Ciao~
Ok so I moved into the dorm at Texas A&M University Texarkana! Everyone said this would be the best week ever and they were correct! I have had so much fun in my new classes and I even got out of my remedial classes! The first day I got here I made new friends and went to this thing called Play Fair! It was a lot of ice-breakers and just loads of fun I have met a LOT of people now! Then we went to the Convocation and there's been 2 comedians and a hypnotist! I went to a headphone disco! It was fun! The past week was the best week ever I mean I just loved it! Now it's the four day weekend and the last day and I'm just here procrastinating, not wanting to write this essay about a poem, but I'll get it done!
Ok so big news! Saturday night at 9:45 I went to see the movie: One Direction This Is Us 3D and it was FREAKING AWESOME!!! I cried, laughed, hooped, hollered, and nearly peed myself! It made me so emotional! I have a new respect for them! I am re-obsessed with them! When we got home I played BSE on repeat till' like 6 in the morning!
Ok so I will post more later because my mom and Warrior will be here soon so ttyl and have a blessed day!
~Ciao~
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Hey Everyone!
Ok it has been forever and a day since I posted! The last ya'll heard I was with Johnathan and well we broke up twice. He was confused about another girl and he needed space. I gave him that so everything there is fine.
I now have a new boyfriend, and I know what you are all thinking: "Another one? She just got out of one and then she jumps into another." Well this time is different I think. This guy's name is Chase and he is very sweet and cute and I really like him. He's 19 so only a year older than me and we both are going to the same college so we will see each other often. He's different, but a very good/nice different.
Ok so I had my birthday back in the beginning of July, and for those who don't know I am 18 now! Yay, whoopee! It wasn't that special except for the surprise from my bestie. I didn't want to get older.
I have moved out of Warrior's and into my grandmother's apartment. I miss living there and I have adopted the ways of living in the Warrior household. I mean I got into a routine there and it is still sticking with me.
I am here in Austin at my Uncle Chad's and Aunt Laney's havin a blast with my sister, Gaga (that's my grandma), my great aunt Ruby, and my cousin Alyssa. Ya'll remember her! She is fun and has changed so much. After this weekend I am going to stay for a week at my dad's in Irving. It's his staycation so he invited us to come stay.
Now this is the big news. Last weekend Warrior, my bro, sis, mom and I went to Magic Springs in Hot Springs, Arkansas. We had fun on the lazy river a LOT, and the wave pool, and walked around a lot too. The big thing after that we attended a concert of none other than the amazing band THEORY OF A DEADMAN!!! IT WAS THE MOST AWESOME NIGHT OF MY LIFE HANDS DOWN! WARRIOR AND I FRIKIN LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. WE SCREAMED AND SHOUTED AND JUMPED AROUND UNTIL OUR LUNGS GAVE OUT. TYLER IS THE SINGLE MOST AWESOME GUY WE NOW HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING IN PERSON. WHEN HE PUT THE MICROPHONE INTO THE CROWD AND WARRIOR AND I WERE THE ONLY ONES IN THE CROWD THAT SANG BACK TO HIM! IT WAS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUNNNNN!!! OH AND TYLER LOOKED SO HOT!!!! IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF OUR LIVES IN MY OPINION! They were opened by this band from Hope, Texas called 9 Miles Ahead! I am now a fan and love that band! The hotel we stayed in afterwords was crappy, but it didn't take away from the awesomeness of the night!
Well that is an update on my life, so until next time stay strong and have a blessed day!
p.s. I am now attending Texas A&M University Texarkana now and it is not the college where my bestie is going but it will have to do.
Ciao
I now have a new boyfriend, and I know what you are all thinking: "Another one? She just got out of one and then she jumps into another." Well this time is different I think. This guy's name is Chase and he is very sweet and cute and I really like him. He's 19 so only a year older than me and we both are going to the same college so we will see each other often. He's different, but a very good/nice different.
Ok so I had my birthday back in the beginning of July, and for those who don't know I am 18 now! Yay, whoopee! It wasn't that special except for the surprise from my bestie. I didn't want to get older.
I have moved out of Warrior's and into my grandmother's apartment. I miss living there and I have adopted the ways of living in the Warrior household. I mean I got into a routine there and it is still sticking with me.
I am here in Austin at my Uncle Chad's and Aunt Laney's havin a blast with my sister, Gaga (that's my grandma), my great aunt Ruby, and my cousin Alyssa. Ya'll remember her! She is fun and has changed so much. After this weekend I am going to stay for a week at my dad's in Irving. It's his staycation so he invited us to come stay.
Now this is the big news. Last weekend Warrior, my bro, sis, mom and I went to Magic Springs in Hot Springs, Arkansas. We had fun on the lazy river a LOT, and the wave pool, and walked around a lot too. The big thing after that we attended a concert of none other than the amazing band THEORY OF A DEADMAN!!! IT WAS THE MOST AWESOME NIGHT OF MY LIFE HANDS DOWN! WARRIOR AND I FRIKIN LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. WE SCREAMED AND SHOUTED AND JUMPED AROUND UNTIL OUR LUNGS GAVE OUT. TYLER IS THE SINGLE MOST AWESOME GUY WE NOW HAVE THE PLEASURE OF SEEING IN PERSON. WHEN HE PUT THE MICROPHONE INTO THE CROWD AND WARRIOR AND I WERE THE ONLY ONES IN THE CROWD THAT SANG BACK TO HIM! IT WAS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUNNNNN!!! OH AND TYLER LOOKED SO HOT!!!! IT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF OUR LIVES IN MY OPINION! They were opened by this band from Hope, Texas called 9 Miles Ahead! I am now a fan and love that band! The hotel we stayed in afterwords was crappy, but it didn't take away from the awesomeness of the night!
Well that is an update on my life, so until next time stay strong and have a blessed day!
p.s. I am now attending Texas A&M University Texarkana now and it is not the college where my bestie is going but it will have to do.
Ciao
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
My point of view
Ok so after thinking about it last night and getting perspective from others I realize and deep down I knew this. It's not real love with my boyfriend. It can't be within two days. I guess it's my mind fooling me because I think I just love the way he treats me and that is making me think I love him. I don't. He may be a time filler or this may last for awhile I don't know, but what I do know is that I am going to just live for now. That's all I can do. I had a split second thought that his best friend had put him up to liking me and I asked him but he said no. I am guarding my heart though, I am not going to fully invest in this too much with a blind eye.
Ok so I think I made Warrior mad. I am so sorry if I did Warrior. I didn't mean to shut you out. I thought you wouldn't want to hear about the whole relationship thing with this guy and I. SORRY!!!!
Ok so that's my point of view.
Ciao
Ok so I think I made Warrior mad. I am so sorry if I did Warrior. I didn't mean to shut you out. I thought you wouldn't want to hear about the whole relationship thing with this guy and I. SORRY!!!!
Ok so that's my point of view.
Ciao
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
My Baby
He looks around, but doesn't see me yet. I yell his name and he walks over. Wraps me in a tight hug; sweaty, but perfect.
He looks at me and smiles, blushing then grabs the side of my face an kisses me for the first time! Sparks fly as we continue to kiss! I can already tell that I am going to love this!
We watch a movie as he tickles me and wrestles with me letting me win, and a thumb war or two and an almost staring contest! All the while telling me I am an angel and the most beautiful thing he has ever laid eyes on. As he wraps his arms around my waist I gently lay my head on his chest and sit there in the moment, unitl... he surprise attacks me with kisses. "Baby, I love you." he whispers in my ear!
As we walk down this road we kiss more! I wrap my arms around his neck and him around my waist and he kisses me softly and sweetly. We entwine our hands and swing them between us! I can see a future with this boy. I run away yelling, "Catch me if you can!" He says, "I bet I can!" When he finally catches me he kisses me again and he says, "You forgot I used to play football so I can catch you anytime." Then we play chicken and it ties to him being a little to strong and me giving in to a hug. We walk back hand in hand completely in love. I can't believe this actually happened to someone like me! I finally found a guy who treats me like a princess.
When he leaves I am sad , but when we decide on our date I offer to pay for something he grabs ahold of me and looks me deep into my eyes and says: "You will NEVER have to pay or worry about that, I will take care of everything." Then we walk farther and have to kiss goodbye, I will see him soon, but it feels like a lifetime from now.
He worries he is not good enough for me, and I worry I am not enough for him.
I love this guy! He makes me feel loved. For the first time in my life the walls I built up are tumbling down and I could not be happier!
Anyways that was a quick post to rehash my day. Hope you enjoy! Have a great day!
Ciao
He looks at me and smiles, blushing then grabs the side of my face an kisses me for the first time! Sparks fly as we continue to kiss! I can already tell that I am going to love this!
We watch a movie as he tickles me and wrestles with me letting me win, and a thumb war or two and an almost staring contest! All the while telling me I am an angel and the most beautiful thing he has ever laid eyes on. As he wraps his arms around my waist I gently lay my head on his chest and sit there in the moment, unitl... he surprise attacks me with kisses. "Baby, I love you." he whispers in my ear!
As we walk down this road we kiss more! I wrap my arms around his neck and him around my waist and he kisses me softly and sweetly. We entwine our hands and swing them between us! I can see a future with this boy. I run away yelling, "Catch me if you can!" He says, "I bet I can!" When he finally catches me he kisses me again and he says, "You forgot I used to play football so I can catch you anytime." Then we play chicken and it ties to him being a little to strong and me giving in to a hug. We walk back hand in hand completely in love. I can't believe this actually happened to someone like me! I finally found a guy who treats me like a princess.
When he leaves I am sad , but when we decide on our date I offer to pay for something he grabs ahold of me and looks me deep into my eyes and says: "You will NEVER have to pay or worry about that, I will take care of everything." Then we walk farther and have to kiss goodbye, I will see him soon, but it feels like a lifetime from now.
He worries he is not good enough for me, and I worry I am not enough for him.
I love this guy! He makes me feel loved. For the first time in my life the walls I built up are tumbling down and I could not be happier!
Anyways that was a quick post to rehash my day. Hope you enjoy! Have a great day!
Ciao
I Do (Chreish You)
So yeah this is by Mark Wills and it is so FRIKIN sweet that it's like the tits man!!!
Sorry I recently watched Pitch Perfect again and it's in my head! Ok so this is another song my sweet boy sent me and I just love it!
I think my defenses and this ten foot cement wall I built around my heart is about to be down all the way down! It's bad but at the same time it feels so amazing!
I will post a following one about my day!!
Ciao
Sorry I recently watched Pitch Perfect again and it's in my head! Ok so this is another song my sweet boy sent me and I just love it!
I think my defenses and this ten foot cement wall I built around my heart is about to be down all the way down! It's bad but at the same time it feels so amazing!
I will post a following one about my day!!
Ciao
Monday, June 24, 2013
Never Been Hurt
okay guys this is buy Demi as you know!!!
Ok so I went for it and I couldn't be happier! That guy is so amazing and so sweet and so wonderful! I am falling for him so fast and I love it!!!! He makes me feel like I am a princess! I am trying not to go head first into this so quickly, but I can't help it he makes me so giddy with excitement!
So that dilemma is solved! I think I may love him! It's only been 2 days but it's puppy love! I am in what people call: The Cupcake Phase!
Anyways just wanted to quickly post and update you on the current situation!
Ciao
Ok so I went for it and I couldn't be happier! That guy is so amazing and so sweet and so wonderful! I am falling for him so fast and I love it!!!! He makes me feel like I am a princess! I am trying not to go head first into this so quickly, but I can't help it he makes me so giddy with excitement!
So that dilemma is solved! I think I may love him! It's only been 2 days but it's puppy love! I am in what people call: The Cupcake Phase!
Anyways just wanted to quickly post and update you on the current situation!
Ciao
Saturday, June 22, 2013
I'll Be
This song is by Edwin McCain! Ok I heard this song when I was little, but I forgot about it until this guy reminded me about it! It is so sweet! I love it!
Ok readers I have a dilema! I kinda like this guy, but he is younger and I just don't know what to do!
He makes me smile, but he kinda had a thing for my best friend! I am afraid if I go for it she will get mad and kick me out of her lovely house she and her family have so graciously let me abide in. So what do I do? I haven't felt like this about a guy in a loooooooooong time! The last guy certainly did not make me feel like this, this unexpicably happy. Just someone I feel like I can trust with anything, especially my heart. I don't want to screw up a good friendship though. UGH! WHAT SHOULD I DO!!! I asked him what he thought if we kept it a secret. You know me I can't keep a secret to save my life! UGH!!!
Anyways what's up with you guys! I am havin a great summer so far! I don't have much else to say so that's a wrap!
#Confused/Happyasaclam!!
Ciao
Ok readers I have a dilema! I kinda like this guy, but he is younger and I just don't know what to do!
He makes me smile, but he kinda had a thing for my best friend! I am afraid if I go for it she will get mad and kick me out of her lovely house she and her family have so graciously let me abide in. So what do I do? I haven't felt like this about a guy in a loooooooooong time! The last guy certainly did not make me feel like this, this unexpicably happy. Just someone I feel like I can trust with anything, especially my heart. I don't want to screw up a good friendship though. UGH! WHAT SHOULD I DO!!! I asked him what he thought if we kept it a secret. You know me I can't keep a secret to save my life! UGH!!!
Anyways what's up with you guys! I am havin a great summer so far! I don't have much else to say so that's a wrap!
#Confused/Happyasaclam!!
Ciao
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
It's been awhile!
Hey guys it has been long since I posted last! My apologies for the wait! Anyways let me update you on my life now! I now live with Warrior and no longer with my mom! Yes, yes I know Warrior and I had a fight but she is my best friend and it was either live with her or live in Dallas as a hobo! Plus, I LOOOOOOOOOVE living here! It's fun and I have more freedom and I am actually appreciated! I don't have to apologize so much, even though I haven't quite got the hang of it yet!
Anyways I have had a busy start to Summer! I have registered for college, applied for a few jobs, and will turn in more apps soon, I have gotten on track with my exercise and my eating habits! I even sleep better now! I guess it goes to show that my mom was holding me back on my life! I am excited for the future again! My 18th birthday is coming up and even though I won't be celebrating it much I am excited to be somewhat legal!
I am having a great summer and a great day as well! I can't wait to see what will happen next! So I will be tanning soon! No worries, not in a tanning bed! I will be using the good ol' sun the al'naturel way! =P
So that pretty much wraps up my life right now! As od this moment I think I am going to go exercise or something along those lines! Have a blessed day!
Ciao
P.S. I will start the whole song/pic/word/verse of the day back up soon just a little off kilter because my mother took my laptop away so I have to use a desktop or Warrior's computer and I don't want to hog it so... anyways Ciao again!
Anyways I have had a busy start to Summer! I have registered for college, applied for a few jobs, and will turn in more apps soon, I have gotten on track with my exercise and my eating habits! I even sleep better now! I guess it goes to show that my mom was holding me back on my life! I am excited for the future again! My 18th birthday is coming up and even though I won't be celebrating it much I am excited to be somewhat legal!
I am having a great summer and a great day as well! I can't wait to see what will happen next! So I will be tanning soon! No worries, not in a tanning bed! I will be using the good ol' sun the al'naturel way! =P
So that pretty much wraps up my life right now! As od this moment I think I am going to go exercise or something along those lines! Have a blessed day!
Ciao
P.S. I will start the whole song/pic/word/verse of the day back up soon just a little off kilter because my mother took my laptop away so I have to use a desktop or Warrior's computer and I don't want to hog it so... anyways Ciao again!
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Anger!
Ok so last night was a fluke Warrior's internet went out and she had to shut down her computer! Everything is ok and my freaking has completely subsided! What has been lit under the butt is ANGER!! Sit back and relax this is going to be a long post!
You ask why would Stay Strong of all people be angry! Well, let me tell you it is my mother! She is so mean to me! She is just mean down to the core! I mean all she does is ridicule me for what I can't do! Criticize me for what I do do, and make me feel completely worthless! I don't understand what stick got lodged up her butt and has stuck up there for almost 18 years now! She has literally been like this my entire existence! Ever since I was born she has never been nice to me! She complains that she sacrificed so much for us, well you know what?!!! My sister, brother, and I have sacrificed a lot too! What being uprooted from your home every single year and a half and finding new friends and a new school and trying not to ask for anything extra b/c we had no money! Well, let's see now has money and she doesn't even spend it on things we need! She buys junk that we DO NOT NEED!!! And she gives it to people who gamble their lives away! What is the point of having money if you do not spend it wisely!?!!!!!!!!!
Ok earlier this afternoon like at about 2:00 p.m. she had us take some trash down to the dumpster; no big deal it wasn't even the slightest bit heavy. Then after about 5 minutes she asks us to take down the old t.v. cart to the trash and this thing is not completely heavy it is just that two people are required to carry it in my opinion! I could not carry this by myself and she was like oooooh weak! And I mocked her and said oooahahahahah sorry we are all not strong and butch like you! The truth is she is butch! She has well rounded shoulders that are a bit big and you know..... Well she was like call me butch one more time and you will be out of this f***ing house before graduation! After my sister and I returned we had to take another bag down to the dumpster and when we got back in she said that is the last straw when I take your brother back to Dallas you are leaving and going to live with your father! You are not going to talk to me like that ANYMORE!!! All I said was fine! Nice, calm, and cool! At first I was angry and what you read before this point was anger, but now all I can do is pray for her! I pray she gets everything she ever wanted, but only through Almighty God!
I pray for others too like my bff: Warrior! She and her family have been a blessing to me! I can't fathom how much she means to me! We may have our differences, but I know I have a true and very best friend in her! Thanks girl for everything and I am really going to miss you! You know once I am FORCED to go live in Dallas!
Anyways I send a prayer out there for the ones in Oklahoma going through this tragedy and to everyone all over this beautiful planet!
Thanks to everyone for reading this and I will post and update on the whole being kicked out fiasco sometime soon! God Bless!
Ciao!!!
You ask why would Stay Strong of all people be angry! Well, let me tell you it is my mother! She is so mean to me! She is just mean down to the core! I mean all she does is ridicule me for what I can't do! Criticize me for what I do do, and make me feel completely worthless! I don't understand what stick got lodged up her butt and has stuck up there for almost 18 years now! She has literally been like this my entire existence! Ever since I was born she has never been nice to me! She complains that she sacrificed so much for us, well you know what?!!! My sister, brother, and I have sacrificed a lot too! What being uprooted from your home every single year and a half and finding new friends and a new school and trying not to ask for anything extra b/c we had no money! Well, let's see now has money and she doesn't even spend it on things we need! She buys junk that we DO NOT NEED!!! And she gives it to people who gamble their lives away! What is the point of having money if you do not spend it wisely!?!!!!!!!!!
Ok earlier this afternoon like at about 2:00 p.m. she had us take some trash down to the dumpster; no big deal it wasn't even the slightest bit heavy. Then after about 5 minutes she asks us to take down the old t.v. cart to the trash and this thing is not completely heavy it is just that two people are required to carry it in my opinion! I could not carry this by myself and she was like oooooh weak! And I mocked her and said oooahahahahah sorry we are all not strong and butch like you! The truth is she is butch! She has well rounded shoulders that are a bit big and you know..... Well she was like call me butch one more time and you will be out of this f***ing house before graduation! After my sister and I returned we had to take another bag down to the dumpster and when we got back in she said that is the last straw when I take your brother back to Dallas you are leaving and going to live with your father! You are not going to talk to me like that ANYMORE!!! All I said was fine! Nice, calm, and cool! At first I was angry and what you read before this point was anger, but now all I can do is pray for her! I pray she gets everything she ever wanted, but only through Almighty God!
I pray for others too like my bff: Warrior! She and her family have been a blessing to me! I can't fathom how much she means to me! We may have our differences, but I know I have a true and very best friend in her! Thanks girl for everything and I am really going to miss you! You know once I am FORCED to go live in Dallas!
Anyways I send a prayer out there for the ones in Oklahoma going through this tragedy and to everyone all over this beautiful planet!
Thanks to everyone for reading this and I will post and update on the whole being kicked out fiasco sometime soon! God Bless!
Ciao!!!
Saturday, June 1, 2013
worry wurt
ok yes that is me right now!!! i was on Skype and facebook and warrior was saying something about cables and then all of a sudden her internet is just out! i can't get ahold of here on her cell either! so i am a little worried! i am assuming she has no power b/c of the storm but that shouldn't mean her cell phone is out! just saying! ok yeah i am very protective of my family so yes i am freaking the freak out! anyways because of the wonderful Warrior I am cheered up! I feel better! well better than before! I am going to keep trying with the contacts! So cross your fingers!
Just a quick hey! how you doin?! well i will post tomarrow i will be freaking until i hear from my bestie but until that happens have a great night and:
Ciao!
Just a quick hey! how you doin?! well i will post tomarrow i will be freaking until i hear from my bestie but until that happens have a great night and:
Ciao!
i am done
ok yesterday I went to the office and got a trial pair of contacts, yeah they SUCK!!!! I can't for the life of me get them in my frikin eyes! I am frustrated and sad b/c no one will help me!
on the plus side the sun is shining and I woke up this morning! I had a rough night! I saw myself on that bridge again and in my dreams I actually jumped! I was so scared I just trusted in Jesus to get me thru the night! HE did b/c I have not lived up to my potential!
Anyways so what do ya'll think? Should I keep trying or give up?
Oh I almost forgot! Guess what everyone?!!! Drumroll please! bdddddddddddddd.............
WARRIOR passed her driving test!!!! I am so proud of her! She is so awesome! Congrats girl! If you want to read so awesomeness go to: www.Sorry4PartyRocking2012.blogspot.com !!!!
Well I am off to do nothing I guess! Whatever! If you want to leave your comments in the section below!
Ciao!!!
on the plus side the sun is shining and I woke up this morning! I had a rough night! I saw myself on that bridge again and in my dreams I actually jumped! I was so scared I just trusted in Jesus to get me thru the night! HE did b/c I have not lived up to my potential!
Anyways so what do ya'll think? Should I keep trying or give up?
Oh I almost forgot! Guess what everyone?!!! Drumroll please! bdddddddddddddd.............
WARRIOR passed her driving test!!!! I am so proud of her! She is so awesome! Congrats girl! If you want to read so awesomeness go to: www.Sorry4PartyRocking2012.blogspot.com !!!!
Well I am off to do nothing I guess! Whatever! If you want to leave your comments in the section below!
Ciao!!!
Friday, May 31, 2013
Ok, so about the last time!
So last post I was really depressed and pretty much a wreck! Well, I have recovered a little! I am trying to get out of this hole and I am slowly climbing up and out! I am still feeling like a failure at some points of the day, but I feel like I am figuring things out!
Today I woke up early, Zumba'd my ass off, had a wonderful breakfast, and now here I am feeling great! I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world!
Ok, yesterday I had an eye appointment to get contacts and I could get them in at all! So today I am going back and bringing an expert my bff! She will help me until I can do this on my own!
Hey gotta run to lunch with the fam so I will post an extension later!
Ciao
Today I woke up early, Zumba'd my ass off, had a wonderful breakfast, and now here I am feeling great! I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world!
Ok, yesterday I had an eye appointment to get contacts and I could get them in at all! So today I am going back and bringing an expert my bff! She will help me until I can do this on my own!
Hey gotta run to lunch with the fam so I will post an extension later!
Ciao
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
I guess I spoke too soon!
Yep i guess I did! You know how I said that the depression has gone away? well here I m balling my eye out because I feel like a failure! How come that for once in my life I can't have more than 1 supporter? I know all the support I need is Jesus and trust me I have it all the time, but for once I want ot achieve something and have someone clap for me or something like that! I support everyone I can and not one person returns it! I guess I am just being over dramatic! Whatever, I gotta go. If you don't hear from me for a while it is because I am either just done with everything or I am busy! I will try to make time! See that's the problem with me, I make time for everyone and everything and no one returns that to me! I need to make time for myself and be me instead of trying to please everyone! Is it too much to ask for support?
bye
bye
Monday, May 27, 2013
Falling
Ok this song is by Tyler Ward featuring Alex G. and I absolutely love it! It makes me sway back and forth and it also makes me realize I really don't like being single! I know this is random, but I just want a boyfriend again! Yes being single has given me new perspective on who I am! I know this time I will not date anyone who is not saved by Jesus! He needs to be a good person, not someone who is after the one and only thing mostly every guy is after! I want someone who is going to make me want to fall in love with him! Someone who I can dance with, and laugh with, and just be myself with. I know one day I will find the guy for me and that day will be a very good day! I just hope I don't screw it up like I have the last three times with the last three guys. I know now that God did not want me with those guys, and I know y heart that He will put the right guy in my life at the right moment! I am happy being single for now, but I want to find love! Or what I really want is for love to find me! To completely smack me in the face and make me feel like I am falling! If you haven't I recommend listening to this song! It is so sweet! I love it! Anyways I just had to get that off my chest! Thanks for reading! See ya!
Ciao!
P.S. If you do listen to the song make sure to type full song b/c the video is not the full song!
Ciao!
P.S. If you do listen to the song make sure to type full song b/c the video is not the full song!
The truth shall set you free!
Ok hey everybody! I don't have a song! Or anything like that! I just realized how much crap I deal with and then I was humbled at how much I have to be thankful for! I am having a great day! I am moving on in my life and I am excited to see what the future holds! Soon my family and I will be embarking on a vacation to Florida! We will e driving all the way to Disney World! I love it! I am excited for that too! Tomorrow I am going to go get my ID, and apply for jobs!
Ok so about the crap load I deal with! Well I was just feeling avoided by everyone! Maybe it's b/c everyone hates my attitude, but I am here to say SO WHAT! I am not being rude, just honest! Ok if you don't like it then go away! (Sorry about that to the people in my life that never avoid me, I was not directing this at you!)
Ok I was feeling so content with myself last night and I still do! I love my figure, my family, my friends, and my life! I will change a few things about the first one, but it can only go up from here! I am happy with where I am in my life right now! SO very happy that I have Jesus as crutch!!! He lets me lean on Him when I need to and He supports me and helps me get through everything; and for that I am eternally grateful!
I have great news! I FINALLY got accepted to Texarkana College!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a little happy dance and screamed a lot! I feel so accomplished! Like if you had asked me 5 years ago if I knew I would be right here almost graduated I probably would have said I don't think so! I am happy, like the depression is going away more and more! I don't have suicidal thoughts too much anymore, and I am discovering who I am!
And to those who belittled my dreams to become a singer/songwriter guess what? I AM GOING TO PROVE YOU WRONG! Everyone tells me that my dreams will be a flop and I will have no money to fall back on! Well guess what? I don't want to fall back on anything! I don't want to chase another dream! I want to go through the whole experience and if I don't make it then I don't want to leave this dream alone b/c it's not practical to some people! I like to take risks and I am going to with my music!
Anyways just an update on my life! Thanks for reading!
Until next time remember:
I am very awesome!
I am going to do it b/c I have dreamed it!
this is so me when people are like this!
no I did not get a tat! yet! and hey just remember today is the day that we remember who died for our freedom! They made the ultimate sacrifice, their lives, so that we can be here right now! If they didn't you may not be reading this and I may not be typing this! So to all those fallen soldiers: THANKS!!!!! And to the families left behind I send my condolences and thank you for having such an amazing person in your family!
Ciao!
Ok so about the crap load I deal with! Well I was just feeling avoided by everyone! Maybe it's b/c everyone hates my attitude, but I am here to say SO WHAT! I am not being rude, just honest! Ok if you don't like it then go away! (Sorry about that to the people in my life that never avoid me, I was not directing this at you!)
Ok I was feeling so content with myself last night and I still do! I love my figure, my family, my friends, and my life! I will change a few things about the first one, but it can only go up from here! I am happy with where I am in my life right now! SO very happy that I have Jesus as crutch!!! He lets me lean on Him when I need to and He supports me and helps me get through everything; and for that I am eternally grateful!
I have great news! I FINALLY got accepted to Texarkana College!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did a little happy dance and screamed a lot! I feel so accomplished! Like if you had asked me 5 years ago if I knew I would be right here almost graduated I probably would have said I don't think so! I am happy, like the depression is going away more and more! I don't have suicidal thoughts too much anymore, and I am discovering who I am!
And to those who belittled my dreams to become a singer/songwriter guess what? I AM GOING TO PROVE YOU WRONG! Everyone tells me that my dreams will be a flop and I will have no money to fall back on! Well guess what? I don't want to fall back on anything! I don't want to chase another dream! I want to go through the whole experience and if I don't make it then I don't want to leave this dream alone b/c it's not practical to some people! I like to take risks and I am going to with my music!
Anyways just an update on my life! Thanks for reading!
Until next time remember:
I am very awesome!
I am going to do it b/c I have dreamed it!
this is so me when people are like this!
Ciao!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Last Day!
Hello e'ryboday!!!!!
Ok no that is not a song name!!!!
But, guess what?
Today was my last day of high school!!! I do not have to go back there for classes or learning ever again!!! I graduate June 7th, and then I'm outie!!! My summer officially started 2 hours and 40 minutes ago!!! Warrior and I screamed YEAH YEAAAAAAYY and all that jazz on the way out the door!!! We were jumpin around and whatnot!!! I was so happy! ALSO!!! I made an 80 on my final in Anatomy and a 99 on my final in MATH!!! I know right? I couldn't believe my ears when Ms. Blackstone told me that! I jumped up and down and did the happy dance!!!!
14 years ago I entered school for the first time! I was four years old and I was having the time of my life in Pre-K! I have been to 22 schools since then and everyone I have left a mark and they have changed who I am! However, no one school, other than De Kalb High, has had the greatest impact on me! I have made friends and lost friends here and I have so many memories. I truly can call De Kalb my home! I love it here! It is quaint and I hope to live here for as long as possible!
It's been a long 14 years building up to this, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I have experienced so much and I am grateful for that! I have learned valuable skills and lessons that I will use in my life! I am so happy that I have spent these years in school and I may say that I hated it, but in the end I am nostalgic. It still has not quite set in yet, but once it does I may cry. I just wanted to say that everyone of you needs to cherish every second! You never know! You can literally blink and time will fly faster than a jet! I'm tellin it is like I blinked and BOOM I was already a freshman in high school, then BAM I blinked again and I'm a senior, and now I am about to be a graduate! Good times! Don't waste your time though, because you will NEVER get it back!
Well that is it for now! I will post more often now that I have all this free time!
See ya'll on the flippity flop!
Ok no that is not a song name!!!!
But, guess what?
Today was my last day of high school!!! I do not have to go back there for classes or learning ever again!!! I graduate June 7th, and then I'm outie!!! My summer officially started 2 hours and 40 minutes ago!!! Warrior and I screamed YEAH YEAAAAAAYY and all that jazz on the way out the door!!! We were jumpin around and whatnot!!! I was so happy! ALSO!!! I made an 80 on my final in Anatomy and a 99 on my final in MATH!!! I know right? I couldn't believe my ears when Ms. Blackstone told me that! I jumped up and down and did the happy dance!!!!
14 years ago I entered school for the first time! I was four years old and I was having the time of my life in Pre-K! I have been to 22 schools since then and everyone I have left a mark and they have changed who I am! However, no one school, other than De Kalb High, has had the greatest impact on me! I have made friends and lost friends here and I have so many memories. I truly can call De Kalb my home! I love it here! It is quaint and I hope to live here for as long as possible!
It's been a long 14 years building up to this, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I have experienced so much and I am grateful for that! I have learned valuable skills and lessons that I will use in my life! I am so happy that I have spent these years in school and I may say that I hated it, but in the end I am nostalgic. It still has not quite set in yet, but once it does I may cry. I just wanted to say that everyone of you needs to cherish every second! You never know! You can literally blink and time will fly faster than a jet! I'm tellin it is like I blinked and BOOM I was already a freshman in high school, then BAM I blinked again and I'm a senior, and now I am about to be a graduate! Good times! Don't waste your time though, because you will NEVER get it back!
Well that is it for now! I will post more often now that I have all this free time!
See ya'll on the flippity flop!
I will post more pics later but this should suffice for awhile!
I think I am going to try something different for my goodbye!
PEACE OUT SUCKAAAAAAAAS!
Monday, May 20, 2013
That's Who I Am
this is by Jessica Andrews! i love this song and it has been ingrained in my system ever since i was little!
Ok so I haven't been blogging a lot lately, but I have good reason!
I've been busy!
I have had life changes happen in the past few days and a lot has happened! I went on the Senior Trip this past Friday and it ROCKED! we went to Six Flags, Fogo De Chao, and the Rangers game!!!
ALL FUN!
Ok earlier tonight my bff (Warrior) asked me my what my college major would be and i said music of course and then she said it would be a flop!
well i'm here to say : I DON"T CARE!!! I wanna do what I wanna do! so that is that!
i will study liberal arts and have myself a good time!
omg the girl i thought that was my best friend just played like a fiddle! She told her ex to ask me out like a joke and pretend to like me! and then when I finally wrap my head around the idea of someone liking me again then she reveals the little secret! i don't know who to trust anymore! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS!!!!!????
well let me tell you something i am not a fool and now i know when i am being played! i should've seen the signs really!!! but whatever! if people want to treat me like a joke i will leave them like it's funny!
i will post more later, but until then ciao!!!
Ok so I haven't been blogging a lot lately, but I have good reason!
I've been busy!
I have had life changes happen in the past few days and a lot has happened! I went on the Senior Trip this past Friday and it ROCKED! we went to Six Flags, Fogo De Chao, and the Rangers game!!!
ALL FUN!
Ok earlier tonight my bff (Warrior) asked me my what my college major would be and i said music of course and then she said it would be a flop!
well i'm here to say : I DON"T CARE!!! I wanna do what I wanna do! so that is that!
i will study liberal arts and have myself a good time!
omg the girl i thought that was my best friend just played like a fiddle! She told her ex to ask me out like a joke and pretend to like me! and then when I finally wrap my head around the idea of someone liking me again then she reveals the little secret! i don't know who to trust anymore! HOW COULD SHE DO THIS!!!!!????
well let me tell you something i am not a fool and now i know when i am being played! i should've seen the signs really!!! but whatever! if people want to treat me like a joke i will leave them like it's funny!
i will post more later, but until then ciao!!!
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Here's to NEVER growing up!
Ok this song is by Avril Lavigne and it is my new anthem and a new definition of me! I am changing myself!! and intervention if you think about it!
ok so for a about 5 years now I have dealt with depression and it's been hard! The main reason I feel like this is because I am constantly criticized by someone in my life! I won't say who but those around me know who it is!
anyways in the past few minutes I was crying form another dig at me from this person and I realized I can NOT do this anymore!!!! I am not going to cry b/c of this person's words anymore!
I am not a wasted space or a lumberjack or the stupidest person on the planet or anything else this person calls me! I am original and no one will ever be just like me!
I am now going to be called Maggs! I used to go by that at my old school and no one treated me lke a pushover so I am no longer going to smile and take it I am going to voice my opinions and if people don't care for them then SO WHAT! they can kiss my ASS!! yes I cussed!! sue me! see the new me is kickin ass and takin names! I feel so happy and free of this big weight that was on my shoulders and it is gone! I am never going to be the same ever AGAIN! I am a FIREWORK!! and I am not going to be treated and used like I was before! GOODBYE OLD ME AND HELLO NEW ME!!!
all this person will ever be is: a LIAR, and pathetic, and ALONE IN LIFE, and MEAN!
so here's to the new me!!! may she be happy in every endeavor she partakes in from now on!!!!
I will never change who I really am except for the part about me being a pushover and taking crap form this person! I feel so much better now!!!! like Warrior I was also looking at pictures I have saved on my computer and I was just so happy that the past 4 years have been spent with one person! My best friend: WARRIOR!!! www.sorry4partyrocking2012.blogspot.com you should check that out!!! it's amazing!!!!!
this girl has been there through thick and thin and she will always be there we may fight and have disagreements, but I love her like family and that is what she is to me!!! thanks Warrior for everything you will never know just how much you mean to me!
so everyone out there: Here's to NEVER growing up! I wanna stay in my youth and I know I will as long as I have Jesus by my side! I will always have a young heart and a wise mind!
so till' next time everyone!
ciao! <3
ok so for a about 5 years now I have dealt with depression and it's been hard! The main reason I feel like this is because I am constantly criticized by someone in my life! I won't say who but those around me know who it is!
anyways in the past few minutes I was crying form another dig at me from this person and I realized I can NOT do this anymore!!!! I am not going to cry b/c of this person's words anymore!
I am not a wasted space or a lumberjack or the stupidest person on the planet or anything else this person calls me! I am original and no one will ever be just like me!
I am now going to be called Maggs! I used to go by that at my old school and no one treated me lke a pushover so I am no longer going to smile and take it I am going to voice my opinions and if people don't care for them then SO WHAT! they can kiss my ASS!! yes I cussed!! sue me! see the new me is kickin ass and takin names! I feel so happy and free of this big weight that was on my shoulders and it is gone! I am never going to be the same ever AGAIN! I am a FIREWORK!! and I am not going to be treated and used like I was before! GOODBYE OLD ME AND HELLO NEW ME!!!
all this person will ever be is: a LIAR, and pathetic, and ALONE IN LIFE, and MEAN!
so here's to the new me!!! may she be happy in every endeavor she partakes in from now on!!!!
I will never change who I really am except for the part about me being a pushover and taking crap form this person! I feel so much better now!!!! like Warrior I was also looking at pictures I have saved on my computer and I was just so happy that the past 4 years have been spent with one person! My best friend: WARRIOR!!! www.sorry4partyrocking2012.blogspot.com you should check that out!!! it's amazing!!!!!
so everyone out there: Here's to NEVER growing up! I wanna stay in my youth and I know I will as long as I have Jesus by my side! I will always have a young heart and a wise mind!
so till' next time everyone!
ciao! <3
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
i found out and....
Felt Good On My Lips by Tim McGraw was the song's name and who it was by! I can't believe I forgot that!
well warrior and I kinda simultaneously apologized at the same time! so everything's totally copesetic! i'm in a good mood and have put project pz in motion, I am now calling it Project ~L&M~
it will be awesome!
so this is just a quick update and a quick shout out to all of you fellow bloggers out there: FOLLOW ME!!!! what do you think of theses new pics I took! I have an obsession with topknots again and vests! please leave your comments in the section below and as always: CIAO!!!!
well warrior and I kinda simultaneously apologized at the same time! so everything's totally copesetic! i'm in a good mood and have put project pz in motion, I am now calling it Project ~L&M~
it will be awesome!
so this is just a quick update and a quick shout out to all of you fellow bloggers out there: FOLLOW ME!!!! what do you think of theses new pics I took! I have an obsession with topknots again and vests! please leave your comments in the section below and as always: CIAO!!!!
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